Hello there. Do you want to be my friend? No? OK then, bugger off. It's exactly that kind of attitude which is causing our beloved Facebook to start flopping. I hope you're happy with yourself.
You might think that because of previous posts I have written such as 'Why I'll never use Facebook Places', 'Are Facebook bosses trying to trick us?' and 'Die, Facebook, die!' that I have some sort of vendetta against the social networking site, but you couldn't be further from the truth. Just look to the right of these words. No, down a bit. See, I actually want you to use Facebook. Only to share Yahoo! News articles, mind. None of that talking to your friends stuff.
Since Twitter's older brother was brought to these shores on 1 October 2005 its rise has been nothing short of meteoric, notching up 30 million users in six years. However according to Inside Facebook, which tracks the site's popularity, there were 100,000 fewer British users in May while over 7 million users ditched their accounts in USA and Canada - the first time the number of users of the site has actually diminished in these countries.
When you're talking about 670 million users worldwide it sounds a bit like a drop in the ocean but CEO Mark Zuckerberg will be wary of this becoming a trend. Trends are what all Internet businesses are built on, after all. While it's too early to tell whether Facebook has peaked in terms of user-base just yet it's clear in my mind that the site has peaked in terms of interest.
What once had a fun, fresh and trendy feel about it has adopted a sneaky, unsafe persona. Constant 'secret' updates where users' privacy settings have been altered have caused a disgruntled user-base to start walking. Only last week we saw Facebook roll out facial recognition, changing people's settings without notifying them. This has happened countless times now (countless so long as you can't count past seven).
It's not just privacy that is causing discontent among its users either - the site has failed to come up with any innovative new features since 'The Wall'. Places, facial recognition and Questions have all missed the mark. I mean, do people still poke?
A bullish statement from the site earlier this week said: "Some of these reports use data extracted from our advertising tool, which provides broad estimates on the reach of Facebook ads and isn't designed to be a source for tracking the overall growth of Facebook.
"We are very pleased with our growth and with the way people are engaged with Facebook."
I'm not surprised they're happy with their growth, they've achieved a phenomenal amount in a relatively short time span but unless they create new features to engage their users and stop treating them like pawns the site's popularity will only head in one direction. One word: MySpace.
I shall now sit here and await the customary phone call from the charming Facebook PR team. Toodle pip.
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