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    Man jailed after trying to turn faeces into gold

    A man from Northern Ireland has been jailed after an experiment in which he attempted to turn his own faeces into gold went wrong and started a fire in a block of flats.

    Paul Moran will now serve three months in jail and a further 12 months on license after the failed experiment caused a fire at his Housing Executive home in Derrin Park, Enniskillen.

    Moran admitted arson and endangering the lives of others in the fire, which reportedly caused over £3,000 worth of damage.

    It is thought that as part of the bizarre experiment Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.

    In his ruling Judge McFarland told Moran: “Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.

    “It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed.”

    Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse.

     

    892 comments

    • mojo  •  2 months ago
      I suggest help for mental health,
    • hippyj  •  7 months ago
      simon cowells been doing it for years
      • Kurt 7 months ago
        LOL!!!!!! That's one of the wittiest comments I've heard.
      • ARG 7 months ago
        Well said.
      • two_cents_worth 7 months ago
        Simon Bowel did you say?
    • CLAIRE  •  7 months ago
      I find it's safer and easier to #$%$ in an envelope and post it to Cash4Gold.
      • EDMUND 7 months ago
        What a good idea. I had a bit of trouble getting my wife to hold the envelope open for me. I'm off to the post office, don't want to miss the last post.
      • adam 7 months ago
        lmfao
      • Flyingpig 7 months ago
        Haha.
    • Daniel  •  7 months ago
      He was charged with arse-on
    • Hang'em high  •  7 months ago
      Gordon Brown managed the reverse process.
      • Baize 7 months ago
        LOL LOL LOL, and you're right!
      • ANDREW 7 months ago
        and several LOL's from me too
      • Gail M 7 months ago
        Yep!
    • P  •  7 months ago
      When #$%$ is worth as much as gold, only the rich will be permitted to have arseholes.
    • Simon  •  7 months ago
      apparently he tried twice before this was his turd attempt
    • Baize  •  7 months ago
      I wonder if he kept a diarrhea of events?
    • Onibaba  •  7 months ago
      Hope he's ok in prison, and avoids treasurehunters.
    • Steve  •  7 months ago
      I think he must have borrowed the idea off Ratners
    • MICHAEL  •  7 months ago
      did he have a gold ring .
    • Orbazel  •  7 months ago
      This has got to be the funniest thing I have ever heard! Can you imagine if it had worked? I would of started eating more, my heating bills would certainly be on the rise and I think I might have to invest in a lot of air fresheners. Ha ha, 10/10 for effort mate.
    • RONALD  •  7 months ago
      STOOLS GOLD!!!
    • Samovar  •  7 months ago
      He was quoted as saying "although I failed on this occasion I will not be de-turd from trying again".
    • Alb  •  7 months ago
      did anyone suffer turd-degree burns?
    • kcpaull  •  7 months ago
      This is the funniest thing I've heard in ages and I live the Southern part of the US. Over here it seems like people try to outdo each other with stupidity, and "Watch this!" is the most common last words. I just hope no one over here gets the same idea. LOL!
    • Baize  •  7 months ago
      Presumably he ate 22 carrots prior to evacuating his bowels!
    • Alfred  •  7 months ago
      Simon Cowell does this all the time.
    • mikenyny  •  7 months ago
      Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse. Considerable intellectual ability? Anyone able to explain what this may mean?
    • Loki  •  7 months ago
      LMFAO.taking where theres muck theres money to a whole new level.excellent.
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