Yahoo! News asked readers and contributors to play Santa for some U.S. politicians and brainstorm some handy Christmas gifts for them. Below is one reader's recommended wish list.
Voters looking for last-minute Christmas gifts for their favorite politicians can stop the search. Here are ideas to fit every price range, and they should help the politician on your list succeed in the coming year.
Newt Gingrich has scored the coveted endorsement from the American Family Association. The Ticket reports the leader of the faith-based organization, Rev. Donald E. Wildmon, will campaign on behalf of the Republican in Iowa because "Newt Gingrich recognizes the threat to our country posed by judges and lawyers imposing values upon the country inconsistent with our religious heritage."
In order to maintain that endorsement, the best gift for Gingrich is a chastity belt. Be sure to send the key to Rev. Wildmon.
Following Rick Perry's campaign commercial that decried "Obama's war on religion," some light reading is in order. Voters can e-mail -- for free -- a copy of the June 17, 1963, Supreme Court joint decision in the cases of Abington School District vs. Schempp and Murray, et al vs. Curlett, et al. That decision outlawed school-enforced prayer, allowing children to pray in school while keeping the government from telling them to whom they must pray. Even though the governor of Texas should remember some crimes that occurred before his watch, a used copy of "Ungodly: The Passions, Torment and Murder of Atheist Madalyn Murray O'Hair" might remind him how old the "war on religion" really is.
After numerous campaign gaffes and misspoken facts, Michele Bachmann needs only one gift: a Secret Service-type earpiece with a fact-checker on the other end. This gift is the only thing that can save Bachmann from making herself looking as uninformed as she is.
Speaker of the House John Boehner is facing criticism that he has lost control over the House Republican caucus, telling Politico: "Our freshmen over the last couple of weeks have been in this grouchy mood." A copy of Janet Jackson's "Control" will have Boehner dancing in the aisles of the chamber, singing "I'm in Control."
With only a 16 percent approval rating, Congress doesn't really deserve any Christmas gifts at all. Voters feeling the need to give something can send their elected representatives a lump of coal and a copy of Barry Gordon's "I'm Getting Nuttin' for Christmas." Sorry, Congress, but you "ain't been nuttin' but bad."
