31 of the weirdest things overheard on the London Underground

-Credit: (Image: Getty Images)
-Credit: (Image: Getty Images)


The London Underground is a treasure trove of oddities and peculiar happenings. While we wouldn't miss the close encounters with strangers' armpits on the Central line or the rush-hour scramble on the escalators, we would miss using it to explore our incredible city.

One thing that never fails to surprise are the conversations you overhear - whether it's between two tipsy individuals on the Night Tube or a mother and child out for the day, there's always a chance to catch some memorable snippets every week (unless you're plugged into your headphones).

Thanks to the power of X (formerly Twitter), people can share these amusing exchanges with the rest of us. Here are the 31 of the funniest, most confusing or most downright peculiar things heard on London's underground transport system.

READ MORE: The most far-flung stations to ever appear on London's train maps

Have you heard anything just as weird on the Tube? Let us know in the comments below!

1. The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.

2. Make sure you bring the bongos and the pineapple, alright?!

3. You know why British people don't talk to each other on the Tube? There's no weather down here to discuss.

4. Wait, I thought Catherine Tate was one of Henry VIII's wives?

5. Go easy on the chicken, it's a vegan recipe.

6. Well you're just a mean man with no manners and unusually pointy elbows.

7. Just so we're all clear - was Batman a vampire?

8. Ladies and gentlemen please do not try to board the train while people are getting off, it's really annoying. Thank you.

9. What time does Uber finish?

10. All it takes is one bad fish cake....

11. I'd Google it but I don't know how to spell Zumba.

12. Don't take this the wrong way, but that outfit makes you look like a fish.

13. I've been secretly cutting my hair every time I get drunk.

14. He's the sort of man who gets excited by limited edition chocolate bars.

15. Why do we need all this technology? I'm only just getting my head around balsamic vinegar.

16. I really fancy Marcus. You know, the guy with the blonde highlights in the musical theatre club.

17. Aww my drug-dealer just texted me Shabbat Shalom...so sweet!

18. It's an amazing book, a bit out there especially for its time. It's called 1942, by Orwell. Check it out.

19. The hamster cost £5, we're not taking it to the vet.

20. I lived in a flat once where we had to have windscreen wipers on the TV, the condensation was so bad.

21. When I met you, I thought you looked like a mushroom. I didn't want to tell you cause I didn't want to make you cry.

22. Mum, why is there an elephant at the castle? Is there a real elephant? Is there a playground there?

23. I think I'm gunna be one of those vegetarians that eats chicken nuggets.

24. I don't think Saddam Hussein ever had a bottle of rose at lunch.

25. Yeah, he's most famous for that Kevin and Stacey.

26. I've got to do something about her soon, man. She's leaving marks in my cheese.

27. That's why you should buy a cheap handbag... so you can throw up in it!

28. Jimi Hendrix, is that the one that makes the gin?

29. I've gotten over my fear of ham.

30. So, is the restaurant a mile away by car or on foot?

31. My sister has just returned from her trip...you've never seen hairier armpits.

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