32 Of The Funniest Quotes From John Hughes Movies

 Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

John Hughes owned the 1980s when it came to teen comedies and his influence is still felt in modern comedy. Not only did he direct some of the most beloved movies of the era, like The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sixteen Candles, and Planes, Trains and Automobiles, but he also wrote many more. In fact, it's not crazy to say he wrote some the most quotable lines of the entire decade when you include Home Alone, National Lampoon's Vacation, Mr. Mom, and so many others.

Here are just a few of the hilarious and iconic lines John Hughes wrote in his heyday.

John Candy makes a face of questioning in National Lampoon's Vacation.
John Candy makes a face of questioning in National Lampoon's Vacation.

"Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya." - National Lampoon's Vacation

Is there a more quotable line from any movie than this one? John Candy sure makes the most of his limited screen time as the security guard at Wally World in National Lampoon's Vacation. He almost steals the whole movie with this one line. Almost.

Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom
Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom

"220, 221. Whatever it takes." - Mr. Mom

Jack Butler is one of Michael Keaton's best roles, but he isn't the most handy guy around the house. That doesn't stop him from trying to impress his wife's boss (Martin Mull) with his home renovation plans, including rewiring the whole thing. He doesn't seem to have a grasp on how electrical work is done, however.

Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone
Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone

"Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!" - Home Alone

Kevin (Macaulay Culkin) really doesn't get along with his brother. Buzz is mean to Kevin, and Kevin is mean right back, like when he first finds himself alone in Home Alone and is rummaging through Buzz's room and comes across a photo of Buzz's girlfriend. Woof.

Julia Louis Dreyfuss and Nicholas Guest in Christmas Vacation
Julia Louis Dreyfuss and Nicholas Guest in Christmas Vacation

"And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?" - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Margot Chester (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) and her husband Todd have some of the best lines in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. The yuppie neighbors hate living next to the Griswolds, and honestly, who can blame them? Like the time Clark (Chevy Chase) sent a spear of ice through their window, leaving the stereo mysteriously broken and the carpet wet.

Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club
Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club

"Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?" - The Breakfast Club

Brian (Anthony Michael Hall) takes a lot of guff from Bender (Judd Nelson), and one of the funniest moments is when Bender asks him about his bagged lunch. No, his dad is not Mr. Rogers, it's Mr. Johnson.

Molly Ringwald and Michael Schoeffling as Sam and Jake Ryan cake kiss moment in Sixteen Candles
Molly Ringwald and Michael Schoeffling as Sam and Jake Ryan cake kiss moment in Sixteen Candles

"Yeah, you!" - Sixteen Candles

Sam (Molly Ringwald) doesn't have a very good birthday, and it even makes her question everything the next day, like when Jake meets her at the church after her sister's wedding. She's confused when he's trying to get her attention, and he has to repeat himself. It's such a great underappreciated line.

Steve Martin and John Candy driving in a very dangerous rental car in Planes Trains and Automobiles.
Steve Martin and John Candy driving in a very dangerous rental car in Planes Trains and Automobiles.

"Was that seat hot or what? I feel like a Whopper. Turn me over, I'm done on this side." - Planes, Trains And Automobiles

John Hughes was great at writing for John Candy. In Planes, Trains and Automobiles, Gus (Candy) has some gems, like this one after their car catches on fire.

Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom
Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom

"I understand that you little guys start out with your woobies and you think they're great... and they are, they are terrific. But pretty soon, a woobie isn't enough. You're out on the street trying to score an electric blanket, or maybe a quilt." - Mr. Mom

Jack's son Kenny really loves his blanket in Mr. Mom, his "woobie," but he's getting older, and Jack thinks it's time to move on. He doesn't want to see Kenny stung out, jonesing to score something bigger, and more expensive. Kenny's not quite ready ready yet.

Kristy Swanson in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Kristy Swanson in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious." - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Kristy Swanson's delivery of one of the most iconic lines from Ferris Bueller's Day Off is just so perfect. Thank you, Simone.

Cousin Eddie after randomly showing up at the Griswold home in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Cousin Eddie after randomly showing up at the Griswold home in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

"If that thing had nine lives, he just spent 'em all." - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Cousin Eddy (Randy Quaid) is crazy. He's rude, he's inappropriate, and he's obnoxious. He's also really funny, like the time the poor cat gets electrocuted after chewing on the wires for the Christmas tree. Poor cat.

Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club
Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club

"Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?" - The Breakfast Club

John Bender really does have most of the great lines in The Breakfast Club and one of those earns him his first additional detention when he asks Principal Vernon (Paul Gleason) if his wardrobe was provided by the legendary Barry Manilow.

Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Vacation
Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s Vacation

"O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great dispair. Yea, admit this good and decent woman into thine arms in the flock in thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he laid its down by the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her... give her a break." - National Lampoon's Vacation

Clark (Chevy Chase) doesn't treat Aunt Edna very well, even in death. Still, it's comedic gold for the audience.

Jon Cryer in Pretty In Pink
Jon Cryer in Pretty In Pink

"His name is Blane? Oh! That's a major appliance, that's not a name!" - Pretty In Pink

Duckie (Jon Cryer) really likes Andie (Molly Ringwald) and really doesn't Blaine (Andrew McCarthy). He doesn't even think "Blaine" is a real name, and, no offense to the Blaines out there, it's perfect for the character McCarthy plays.

A scene from Mr. Mom of a baby eating chili
A scene from Mr. Mom of a baby eating chili

"Are you crazy? You don't feed a baby chili!" - Mr. Mom

Poor Jack, he's really trying his best in Mr. Mom, but sometimes even the best parents find themselves doing things that wouldn't be advised, like giving a baby a can of chili to eat. Any parent can relate to the notion, and the regret when the chili is... digested.

Randy Quaid grilling in Vacation
Randy Quaid grilling in Vacation

"I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?" - National Lampoon's Vacation

Ah, Cousin Eddy. He and his family live a humble life on a farm in Kansas. That includes eating Hamburger Helper without that pesky ingredient, the hamburger. At least he's got real tomato ketchup to cover up the taste!

Jeffrey Jones in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Jeffrey Jones in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Gummi bear? It's been in my pocket; they're real warm and soft." - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

One of the sneaky great lines in Ferris Bueller's Day Off comes at the end of the movie when Rooney (Jeffrey Jones) is forced to ride the bus home. A student sitting next to him offers him a warm piece of candy and it sounds terrible, but does Rooney eat it? We'll never know.

John Candy in Planes Trains and Automobiles
John Candy in Planes Trains and Automobiles

"Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?" - Planes, Trains And Automobiles

A lot of things go wrong for Neal (Steve Martin) and Del (John Candy) in Planes, Trains and Automobiles but going the wrong way on the interstate has to be the scariest thing that happens. A clueless Del is blaming the wrong person here.

John Candy in Home Alone
John Candy in Home Alone

"Very big in Sheboygan." - Home Alone

John Candy steals the show in his brief time to shine in Home Alone. Gus, who is one of the funniest characters in any John Hughes movie, along with his Polka band, not only save the day for Kate McCallister (Catherine O'Hara) but they do it with some great tunes, tunes that made them famous in Wisconsin.

Dan Aykroyd in The Great Outdoors.
Dan Aykroyd in The Great Outdoors.

"Why do Chet's kids look at him like he's Zeus and my kids look at me like I'm a rack of lawn tools at Sears?" - The Great Outdoors

Dan Aykroyd's character Roman, in The Great Outdoors, is one of those guys that doesn't seem to want to be awful, he just can't help himself. John Candy's character, Chet, couldn't be awful if he tried. It's something that is weighing on Roman's mind, as this quote reveals.

Judd Nelson in Breakfast Club
Judd Nelson in Breakfast Club

"Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy." - The Breakfast Club

John Bender is one of the best troublemakers of '80s cinema, and he just loves to question authority. Take, for example, getting upset when Andrew (Emilio Estevez) gets up to help Vernon prop the door open. Bender is worried for all the kids, surely.

Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Chevy Chase and Randy Quaid in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

"I can't believe you're standing here in my living room, Eddie." - National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

We all have that relative that we'd really prefer didn't visit for the holidays, and Cousin Eddy is like that times 100. Clark sure doesn't want him around, and in fact, is a little shocked that Eddy even knew how to find him, as this was obviously his first visit to the Griswald's house in Chicago.

molly ringwald samantha  baker 16 candles
molly ringwald samantha baker 16 candles

"I loathe the bus. There has to be a more dignified mode of transportation." - Sixteen Candles

Plenty of people rightly believe Sixteen Candles is an outdated nightmare. The movie has lines that are racist, homophobic, and generally in poor taste, especially in more enlightened times. There are still some gems in there that aren't offensive, like Sam (Molly Ringwald) pontificating about riding the bus to school. Anyone who has ever ridden one will certainly agree.

John Candy in Uncle Buck
John Candy in Uncle Buck

"Stand me up today and tomorrow I'll drive you to school in my robe and pajamas and walk you to your first class. Four o'clock okay?" - Uncle Buck

Uncle Buck isn't quite the classic of some other Hughes movies, but it still delivers some gems from John Candy playing the titular uncle. Like this one, when Tia (Jean Louisa Kelly) really doesn't want her uncle to pick her up from school, fearing the embarrassment he would bring. Buck, however, insists.

A scene in Weird Science
A scene in Weird Science

"Lisa could have a good time at an insurance seminar, Wyatt."

The girl that Gary and Wyatt create in Weird Science has it all figured out and feels comfortable everywhere she goes. Including, possibly, an insurance seminar.

Jeffrey Jones and Edie McClurg in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Jeffrey Jones and Edie McClurg in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, bloods, wastoids, dweebies - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude." - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Edie McClurg, who plays the secretary in Ferris Bueller's Day Off is always a delight, especially when she's delivering great John Hughes dialog, like the time she explains to Rooney just how popular Ferris is with everyone in school. He's a righteous dude.

Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club
Judd Nelson in The Breakfast Club

"That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir." - The Breakfast Club

There goes John Bender, dispensing sage advice to anyone who will listen, especially Principal Vernon. Sticking a magazine rack between students and safety is, indeed, unwise.

Chevy Chase and Eugene Levy in National Lampoon's Vacation
Chevy Chase and Eugene Levy in National Lampoon's Vacation

"This is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with the C.B. and optional rally fun pack." - National Lampoon's Vacation

Eugene Levy is great as the greaseball car salesman in National Lampoon's Vacation, but it's this underrated line, about the car that Clark thought he was buying that flies under the radar but completely delivers all need to know about Clark's plans for the upcoming road trip. It's a wonder bit of dialog.

Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Not that I condone fascism, or any -ism for that matter. -Ism's in my opinion are not good. A person should not believe in an -ism, he should believe in himself. I quote John Lennon, 'I don't believe in Beatles, I just believe in me.' Good point there. After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus. I'd still have to bum rides off people." - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) is full of helpful advice, but he thinks his life isn't perfect without a car like his sister has. His insights are great, but his transportation issues are not.

Jon Cryer in Pretty in Pink
Jon Cryer in Pretty in Pink

"We don't have none of this stuff in the boy's room! Wait a minute! We don't got none of this... we don't got doors on the stalls in the boy's room, we don't have, what is this? What's this? We don't have a candy machine in the boy's room!" - Pretty In Pink

When Duckie gets himself tossed into the girl's bathroom at school, he's shocked by how much nicer it is than the boy's room. Here's some advice for Duckie though, that's not actually a candy machine. Just a heads up.

Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom
Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom

"My brain is like oatmeal. I yelled at Kenny today for coloring outside the lines! Megan and I are starting to watch the same TV shows, and I'm liking them! I'm losing it." - Mr. Mom

Jack just can't catch a break in Mr. Mom. He took for granted just how hard it is to raise kids, but he's learning, it's just turning his brain to mush. Or oatmeal, as he describes it.

Bill Paxton as Chet in Weird Science
Bill Paxton as Chet in Weird Science

"How 'bout a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?" - Weird Science

The late, great Bill Paxton played a lot of great characters in his career, and one of the best had to be the big brother, Chet, in Weird Science. When Wyatt and Gary return from a night of partying, Chet isn't impressed and tries to completely gross them out. It might not have worked on his little brother, but it worked for audiences.

John Candy explains his car from the drivers seat in Planes Trains and Automobiles.
John Candy explains his car from the drivers seat in Planes Trains and Automobiles.

"Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted and as a result it's very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going." - Planes, Trains And Automobiles

You have to give Del credit, even through the worst, he keeps pushing with a smile on his face. It's got to be hard driving a car with no speedometer though, and the cop he's explaining that to agrees.