'Amanda Holden and Alan Carr's Spanish Job is a lot of sun, sangria, and sledgehammers'

It’s early morning in the shadow of the Andalusian mountains, and Amanda Holden and Alan Carr are at a local hardware store buying lump hammers, plastic sheeting and a selection of shovels. Which either means their friendship has taken a very dark turn, or they are off on another of their European house renovation adventures.

Much as I’d love to tell you that they have embarked on a mission to secretly murder everyone who has wronged them in their careers — beginning, obviously, with whoever advised Holden to take a starring role in BBC One’s circus-based sitcom Big Top — I should point out it is just another house renovation trip.

Having said that, if Channel 5 can get two series and counting out of The Good Ship Murder, there could actually be some legs in my ‘A-list TV stars as serial killers’ idea. Maybe Richard Osman could write it once he’s done with the grannies. For now, we’ll have to make do with enjoying Holden and Carr’s latest stop on their Grand (Designs) Tour, which began in Sicily in 2022 and has now reached Spain.

Accordingly, the programme title Amanda & Alan’s Italian Job has been updated to Amanda & Alan’s Spanish Job. If it ain’t broke etc.

Beginning on BBC One tonight, with all eight episodes available on iPlayer immediately after the first has aired on proper telly, you can discover what happened when Amanda and Alan took on "their most ambitious project yet."

Of course, that old "most ambitious yet" line is often trotted out when a TV show hits its third series and the producers start worrying we might be getting bored of the formula. In this case though, it’s true. Not only is the property much bigger than the ones they successfully glowed-up in their two previous projects in Sicily and Tuscany, they also have a much more ambitious long term plan for it. They want to turn it into a B&B and sell it on as a business.

It’s a bold idea, although I’m not sure I’d agree with Holden’s suggestion that "This is gonna be biblical." Well, unless Carr is planning on performing a few miracles to keep the wine bills down.

The full scale of their task becomes apparent in the opening episode when they walk through the doors of their massive house in Moclin and quickly discover there’s a problem with the upstairs ceilings: They have collapsed and are now mainly downstairs. Luckily there is a nice bar nearby. So Holden and Carr pop down there to meet the locals, while their renovation guru Scott Thompson and his army of builders crack on with the real work.

As anyone who watched the first two series already knows, when Holden says "For me there is nothing better than demolition", it tends to be less about knocking down walls, more about demolishing as many bottles of Aperol and wine as they can during the three months or so of filming.

Similarly, when Holden boasts something like "When I’ve got a sledgehammer in my hand, there’s no stopping me", I tend to assume we’ve simply walked in on an anecdote about how she manages to persuade Simon Cowell to keep renewing her contract on Britain’s Got Talent.

Suffice it to say, while the architecture in this part of Spain may be famously Moorish it’s not half as moreish as the plates of tapas we regularly see the pair of them getting stuck into.

To be fair to Holden and Carr, we do occasionally see them getting their hands dirty with the shovels and the power tools. Carr has even had a special matador-inspired boiler suit made for this series. Well, I say matador but there's a bit of 'Elton John daywear' in there as well.

However, these fleeting moments are usually followed by one or both of them scarpering off to do something less strenuous, such as shopping for tiles or exploring the local beaches. If that sounds like a complaint, then trust me it most certainly isn’t. Once you’ve seen a lintel being lifted into position or a wall being replastered you don’t really need to see either procedure again. The real appeal of this series is the amazing scenery we are introduced to as Holden and Carr skive their way around the place.

If "weekend breaks to Seville" isn’t the top online search after the third episode has aired I’ll be as amazed as Carr was when he tasted a custard apple for the first time in his life. (No spoilers here, but you will NEVER guess what it tastes like!) The other thing that makes this show such an enjoyable watch is the relationship between Carr and Holden.

Their friendship appears so strong and genuine, I sometimes find myself worrying about how utterly devastated I would be if it ever came out that they actually hate each other in real life.

Then I remember. Holden’s not that good an actor*.

*In episode 3, Amanda says that the best thing about being in her fifties is that “I honestly don’t care what people say about me.” So if you think I’m being a bit mean about her acting skills, don’t worry. She’s perfectly fine with it.

Amanda & Alan's Spanish Job is streaming on BBC iPlayer.