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Amanda Holden on the pain of having a stillborn baby
Losing a baby, whether due to miscarriage or stillbirth, is devastating. And that's something Amanda Holden unfortunately knows all too well, after tragically discovering her unborn baby Theo had passed away nine years ago.
Recalling the moment she discovered the heartbreaking news in 2011, the TV judge and radio presenter told BBC's Dear NHS Superstars special last night: 'I remember waking up and thinking I hadn't felt my baby kick for most of the night which was unusual because he was so active. I tried all the things they tell you to do, but he wasn't moving. But I didn't panic.'
Holden said she then drove to Middlesex Hospital in London to see her friend Jackie, a midwife, who failed to find a heartbeat for baby Theo, and grabbed an obstetrician to confirm the sad news.
'I heard this guttural screaming,' explained Holden. 'It was the most bizarre thing that's ever happened to me because it was me. I had no control over myself, I thought it was another person making the noise.'
She added: 'All these women were holding me, calming me down. I forgot entirely that I'd have to get the baby out and I'd have to give birth to our son.'
Holden opted to have an C-section, after conceding that she wouldn't be able to go through with a natural labour, describing the procedure - where the patient is awake the whole time - as 'horrific'.
'A little baby who has nothing wrong with him apart from being asleep is going to come out,' she explained, adding that she kept kept telling her midwife friend Jackie that she wouldn't be able to hold him.
Husband Chris Hughes, with whom she shares daughters 14-year-old Lexie and 8-year-old Holly, 'couldn't bear' to watch their stillborn son being born and had to leave the room.
Holden recalled Jackie wrapping baby Theo up in a blanket and holding him out to her, saying 'he's absolutely gorgeous, you need to see him.'
'That's when I held him even though he was fast asleep,' she explained. 'The one thing I remember is his perfectly formed eyebrows, which all my children have.'
She also praised the hospital for the impeccable care she received during an impossible time, including the keepsakes of Theo they gave her to take home, such as a lock of his hair and his blanket.
We're glad to see Amanda can talk so openly and bravely about such a traumatic time in her life, and hopefully being honest about her experiences will prove useful to those going through a similar situation.
If you need help and support, contact stillbirth charity Sands.
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