The Apprentice Week 5 recap: No-one can quite believe what happened there
This week The Apprentice delivered its biggest shock so far.
A pleasant if somewhat hapless candidate got the chop while arguably the emptiest suit in the show’s thirteen-year history somehow managed to avoid Sir Alan’s stubby firing-finger.
Let’s see how we got to that with a quick recap of The Apprentice episode 5.
At last we see what Kurran is made of
We kicked off at the Adelphi Theatre. Kurran was itching to be chosen as Project Manager as soon as he found out the venue, convinced that whatever the task was, it would be an opportunity to showcase his acting talents.
Time for another random #TheApprentice location-challenge combination. (We’re *sure* these must be picked out of a hat, FA Cup-style!)
Place: The Adelphi Theatre
Challenge: Design a new shoe range.Total sense. @BBCApprentice pic.twitter.com/uIyku3AHoN
— BBC One (@BBCOne) October 31, 2018
In the car to the theatre he announced “I’m going home right now.” From your mouth to Lord Sugar’s ears, Kurran old son.
I’m definitely going for PM….oh wait.. I’m uncomfortable with this. Well who’d have thunk it?! Kurran ducks behind the scenes again swiftly. #TheApprentice #slackerKurran #Apprenticekurran @bbcapprentice
— Jane Pike (@Janebfc) October 31, 2018
As soon as it was revealed that the theatre was just another 3-2-1 style tenuous link to the task Kurran, The Apprentice’s emptiest suit, backed away from the PM job like a scalded cat.
No we don’t
The task was to design and market shoes. That’s no job for a handsome halfwit with a crocked arm. The PM gig went to Jackie.
Kurran: I’m not going to put myself forward as PM on this task because I don’t know anything about women’s shoes
Also Kurran: Jackie I know more about women’s shoes than you shut up that’s not trendy#TheApprentice
— Charli Parkes (@CharliParkes) October 31, 2018
Kurran promptly started campaigning for a role on the shoe design team. Minutes after he’d told his team-mates that he knew nothing about shoes. Somehow he managed to look surprised as well as disappointed when his request fell on deaf ears.
Pretty much every viewer soon wished they were deaf, rather than hear the word ‘urban’ used more than a hundred times in a minute.
Can they stop saying the word urban?! #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/XFq8jRxTft
— Tracey Davies (@miss_traceydav) October 31, 2018
Over at Typhoon – now featuring Tom – Siân was in charge. She demonstrated her authority straight away by giving in to Daniel and Camilla’s suggestion that they should develop trainers rather than heels.
As it turned out, weird pink baby-shoe looking trainers with a removable bow.
Everybody ‘loved’ them.
WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSE 😂😂😂 #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/OVFK01P9Ld
— Ali (@RoyMustang786) October 31, 2018
At least somebody will be loving these shoes #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/gULqvCt3Jy
— Oliver F📚 (@OliverIsWriting) October 31, 2018
#TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/Nm2zL3o6Nh
— Tanis (@Tanis95) October 31, 2018
Sabrina said they looked like something you’d give to a four-year-old girl. Four seems a shade old, if anything.
Meanwhile, in modesty news, Daniel thought his team’s shoe design should be named after him. “Any other ideas?” deadpanned Jasmine.
“Out Out by Fleekies” #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/mE9E33xUYd
— Becki Curzon (@becki_curzon) October 31, 2018
Accentuate the positive
Kurran, still sulking about being passed over for the design team, was resolutely negative about absolutely everything. “The last thing I want to do is bring a negative energy about this project” he said, negatively.
So at first this geezer wants to be project manager but bottled it and now he’s just criticising everything the team do 😂 #SackHim #TheApprentice
— Anthony🐧 (@AnthonyGarnett7) October 31, 2018
It doesn’t matter if Kurran doesn’t like anything though. What matters is how the public feel. Let’s do some market research.
The public don’t like the shoes. Both teams got some solidly negative feedback.
Bet they do nothing with the feedback. Happens every time #TheApprentice
— Paul Vine (@Paul_Vine1) October 31, 2018
Nobody likes the shoes… #TheApprentice #TheApprentice2018 pic.twitter.com/TPcN1QIgap
— . (@MichaelM238) October 31, 2018
As well as being a game show and an accidental sitcom, The Apprentice is increasingly a cookery show. As well as designing some shoes, the candidates also need to lash up some canapés. Khadija really shines here. She is absolutely hardcore.
#Jasmine putting Rick striaght. And gets the deal…. why was he sooooo negative. #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/PKrPV1NZNx
— Robbie Kahar (@Rob2K) October 31, 2018
It’s safe to say that Jasmine and Rick didn’t bond over the cookery segment. Or, indeed, over anything.
Launch events planned and catered, it was time to invite the retail buyers in and sell sell sell.
Absolute cobblers
You knew, as soon as there was a clear discussion about sticking to a fixed price point, that somebody was going to break that rule.
That someone was Daniel, who dropped his price almost before he started selling. To say that his team-mates were unimpressed would be to understate the issue considerably.
These days, almost half of the show is given over to the boardroom finale. Some weeks that’s great. This week for example, where we get to learn that Lord Sugar has somehow never heard of Hip Hop, find out that Daniel has managed to be proud of the pink bow on his team’s baby-trainers, and appreciate just how much Kurran has the knife in for Jackie.
Why is Kurran non stop pulling faces and complaining? Like he’s done anything useful at all in the entire process #TheApprentice
— emma (@elyman84) October 31, 2018
Plus, that means that there’s more scope for Lord Sugar’s gag-writers to pop out of zingers such as “I was looking for shoemakers. All I got was a load of cobblers.”
How long before Suralan makes a”load of cobblers” joke? #theapprentice
— David Baxter (@blackoutbedford) October 31, 2018
Not one of the Apprentice candidates got that joke. In fact they didn’t seem to even understand that it was meant to be a joke.
The unbelievable result
Actually, both teams did surprisingly well. Collaborative pulled in £61k, mostly through Jackie’s big sale, and Typhoon did even better – selling £86,000 worth of their ugly pink trainers.
How on earth are they selling either of these shoes?!! #TheApprentice
— Igor Salaman (@IgorSalamanLFC) October 31, 2018
When Jackie’s asked who she’s bringing back she selects Kurran, who by his own admission is perennially useless, and Kayode – who is outraged at being selected.
Kayode is being brought back?!? #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/urXqpempQf
— Petra Rosario 🇵🇹 (@princesspetra_x) October 31, 2018
It seems that Lord Sugar isn’t pleased at Kayode being brought back either: he demands that the whole team is returned for a massive argument that calls back to last week’s task as well as deep, deep recriminations about this week’s.
Kurran with the amazing self own
“He did EVEN less than me” LOL #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/M9sPGUwH6L— SamuEL Penster (@Team_Penster) October 31, 2018
Kurran vows that he will be Project Manager next week, no matter what the task is. Which is almost exactly what he said just as this week’s farrago started.
Throughout the episode, social media is positively melting with the calls for Kurran to go.
every time kurran opens his mouth #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/QwtjdYWgOZ
— koshka (@SafyandtheWhale) October 31, 2018
*When Kurran finally gets fired*#theapprentice pic.twitter.com/cOtJhRYqFb
— Myth Addict (@MythAddict) October 31, 2018
To be honest Lord Sugar should have just fired KURRAN and let us have more footage of the winning team learning IRISH DANCING at Pineapple Dance Studios. pic.twitter.com/wHHrP7MfKe
— Talent Guru #TimelessMovie #SaveTimeless #Season3 (@thetalentguru) October 31, 2018
Amazingly, Rick is the one to be sent home. While he didn’t exactly cover himself with glory this week, no-one can quite believe Kurran escaped the chop.
Lord Sugar made the right decision but it should had been a double firing…,Kurran is not good enough and I’m amazed he’s been given another chance #TheApprentice
— Martin Warren (@ccfcfan) October 31, 2018
So KURRAN survives another week. He is completely useless and done NOTHING!
I am starting to believe he is MAGIC! 🧙🏽♂️ pic.twitter.com/1S0Z7qFUl0
— Talent Guru #TimelessMovie #SaveTimeless #Season3 (@thetalentguru) October 31, 2018
MORE KURRAN??!! What is Sugar on???? #TheApprentice pic.twitter.com/L5nV9UrYah
— Maidy Lairy (@MaidyLairy) October 31, 2018
The entire house is astounded to see Kurran to return. And so are we.
Read more
The Apprentice recap: Comics week – Kim Jong-un beats Benji with a picture of a croissant
The Apprentice Season 14 opener: We’ve lost Sarah’s lips, but we’ve gained an octopus