Last week, The Apprentice finally said goodbye to its most comically useless candidate.
And this week, Lord Sugar’s stubby finger fell upon Claude’s favourite, Twitter’s favourite, and quite possibly your favourite. Yes, Kayode has left The Process.
How did this happen? Let’s relive The Apprentice Episode 7, and see where it all went wrong.
— Khalinivic (@Khalinivic) November 14, 2018
The mystery of the disappearing Kayode
The week started well for Kayode. He was fortuitously in the middle of some sort of pecs-boosting workout when the early-morning phone call came in, requiring him to appear on screen shirtless and impressively ripped.
But there was some talk in the cars about how the attrition rate seemed to be much higher for the Boys in this year’s Apprentice. Time to remind ourselves that the Apprentice editors are big on foreshadowing. No remark, no matter how offhand it might appear, is ever wasted.
Daniel is the last candidate not to have been Project Leader, so it seems only fair that he’s chosen.
“Obviously,” he says, “my background isn’t in gardening as such.”
No. Not as such. But Daniel was arrested with 17oz of cannabis, and charged with possession with intent to supply, in 2010. Selling weed is at least gardening-adjacent.
Still, we’re not going to mess with Daniel. Not seeing as how he snapped Kurran’s arm like a twig.
— Joel Gleicher (@JoelG_88) November 14, 2018
Jackie and Khadija, sitting in a tree, F-I-G-H-T-I-N-G
The Sub team leader position was a toss up between Khadija and Jackie. Khadija runs a service-based business and Jackie’s …uh…got a window-box or something.
Camilla and Jackie are still a killer double-act, they’re queens of the exasperated eye-roll, but the chemistry between Jackie and Khadija is combustible. There may be trouble ahead.
Meanwhile Tom, being a tree-surgeon, was a shoo-in as Typhoon’s Head Gardener.
He wasted no time in dividing up his team, dressing Kayode up as a member of progressive rock era Genesis, and sending him out to sell gardening services.
It’s noteworthy that there was very little discussion of how much the raw materials might cost. Numbers were seemingly plucked from the trees like under-ripe fruit.
Tom’s attitude to the garden centre was more Supermarket Sweep than The Apprentice. He just went on a mad trolley-dash, grabbing whatever was on special offer.
— The Apprentice (@bbcapprentice) November 14, 2018
Remember, these are the business brains that passed the initial selection panel
There was pricing chaos on Typhoon’s sub-team too, with Jackie seemingly trying to undermine Khadija by contradicting whatever she was saying to customers during the negotiation stage.
Speaking of negotiations, Daniel scored a tidy discount for his garden centre purchases: demonstrating that you can haggle in an actual shop. As long as you’ve got a BBC camera crew with you.
It didn’t help, though, when the two teams went head-to-head on job bid. Daniel’s prices were just too high.
Tom made a crucial…arguably fatal… mistake in switching himself from the potentially lucrative corporate client job in order to focus on the mobile gardening sub-team.
— Emma Adwoa Sawyerr (@Purple_Worship) November 14, 2018
Another fatal mistake for Tom was forgetting to give the driver of the van with all the gardening kit the address of where he was going.
Then again, as seasoned Apprentice viewers we saw that coming as soon as he said they’d be fine “As long as the van’s there on time.”
— Nick Davies (@Nick_Davies1989) November 14, 2018
Daniel the leader
Elsewhere, in corporate reshuffle news, Daniel tried to movie Jackie from the sub team in order to separate her from Khadija. But Jackie point-blank refused and Camilla ended up moving instead.
Daniel needed to put his foot down and tell jackie she is moving! its not an option #TheApprentice
— Janeeks💄 (@happy_days_88) November 14, 2018
Which was brilliant, because that meant we got to see Jackie operating a leaf blower. Leaf blowers are arguably mankind’s most useless invention. And Apprentice candidates are widely considered to be mankind’s most useless people. Put them together and you’ve got comedy gold.
Khadija and Jackie had got themselves into a serious pickle when the jet-washer they’d hired didn’t have an attachment that would connect to the only available tap. They ended up using a watering can, a broom and – yes – that leaf blower to make an horrific muddy mess of the client’s patio.
— Toby Earle (@TobyonTV) November 14, 2018
There was some more slapstick fun when it came to Daniel and Camilla getting a huge roll of Astroturf up a narrow stairwell. One for Friends fans.
It turned out to be slightly too huge a roll of Astroturf. There was some left over, and Daniel had the bright idea of sticking a roll to the bar.
He really did.
Amazingly, his design got a good reaction from the customer. At least initially.
Tom’s plans began to seriously unravel when Jasmine and Sabrina were asked by their client why the team’s ‘landscape gardening expert’ was missing. And why the landscape gardening consisted principally of a few pot plants that appeared to still have their price tags on. And what the bizarre paint job on a wooden bench was meant to be about.
While at the same time Tom found himself being penalised financially for the lateness of his van.
Back with Khadija and Jackie, the client was coldly furious about the state of her garden. Khadija offered a £60 discount, and was summarily told that wasn’t enough, was given £130 and sent on her way.
Leaving the sub-team way behind schedule and woefully under budget.
— Auntie Pegg (@AuntiePegg) November 14, 2018
Let’s turn this mess around
Camilla, who you can always rely on to come up with the perfect reaction, just said “sweet niblets” and the whole team reunited to see if they could rescue the situation.
And – miraculously – they did. Collaborative’s mobile operation only raked in £535 against Typhoon’s £760 but the corporate client work was such a comprehensive walkover for Collaborative that they ended up outright winners.
— Dave Shep (@TheDaveShep) November 14, 2018
The root of the problem seemed to be not so much the actual gardening as the team’s ill-considered pricing structure.
— Bhushan Kumar (@bogeyno2) November 14, 2018
That was at least partly Kayode’s failure, so he, along with Sabrina, was brought back into the Boardroom with Tom.
Kayode was pretty unimpressed to be selected:
To Tom’s credit, he didn’t just employ the standard Apprentice ‘blamethrower’ approach. “It’s easy in these types of situation to keep passing the blame. But I’m the Project Manager so I have to take responsibility…”
Nevertheless, Tom did not end up going home.
It was goodbye Kayode. And the internet went wild.
THEY DID MY BOY KAYODE SO WRONG, JUSTICE FOR KAYODE #TheApprentice
— Simran (@IamTheWalrus_1) November 14, 2018
— Lady Blah D Blah (@Lady_blahblahs) November 14, 2018
Still, he’s glad to be going. He’s looking forward to seeing his cat.