Ask Janice: Are there any genuine people on dating apps these days?
Dear Janice, I signed up for a three-month online dating trial and I have to say it is not at all what I expected.
Does everyone lie? Are there no genuine people anymore?
My first date stated (with laughing emojis), that she was the wrong side of 40. Well, she was easily the wrong side of 50. The next one insisted she was single, but text constantly when her mobile pinged relentlessly throughout our date. Seeing how irritated I was, she finally admitted it was her husband. They had just split up, but...
The next date was easily double the size of her profile pictures. Trying not to offend, I eventually got round to asking when her pictures were taken and she admitted they were from her holiday in Corfu in 2012!
Not only has it been a complete waste of money, it is also very disheartening to discover that there are so many disillusioned people out there.
My friend said I’ve just been unlucky, but now I don’t know whether to throw good money after bad and try another online site or not. I’m not looking for Miss Universe but surely there has to be some decent, honest females out there. What do you think? Joe.
Dear Joe, sit back and take a deep breath before you make any more decisions you might regret because continually jumping from one miserable date to another will only lead to more disappointment.
To quote Rabbie Burns: “Oh the gift that god could give us, to see ourselves as others see others.”
Often we look in the mirror and don’t see what others see and that’s why information about ourselves can be unintentionally skewed. Browse the dating sites and when you spot someone you fancy, message back and forth to gauge how well the banter flows.
Then, before you arrange to meet up, video call the lady.
This way you check her out without the big reveal, and possibly disappointment.
Or sign up to a singles supper club (safety in numbers!). There are many ways to meet someone without having to face a torturous and demoralising date. Good luck.
Dear Janice, recently I bumped into an old flame. It was really lovely to see him again after so long and there was definitely still a spark between us. We only had time to chat briefly as he was in a rush, so we quickly swapped numbers and agreed to meet up next time he is in the area.
However, I did a bit of online digging and discovered he is married, which he didn’t mention, but then again, we only had a brief encounter.
I split from my husband years back, and although happily single, I reckon it was karma bumping into him like that.
My friend thinks he is a player and that I should delete his number. But I think I should give him the benefit of the doubt and listen to what he has to say.
Do you agree? Cheryl.
Dear Cheryl, you already know your intent to meet up with this guy, so don’t pretend otherwise. You are simple seeking verification from me to justify your hook-up (just in case he IS married).
By all means go for a coffee, and if he doesn’t mention in conversation the fact that he is married, then bring it up and tell him you have discovered otherwise. Then, wait and listen to what his story is. Perhaps he is genuine, but a few things worry me.
Karma (there is bad karma too), doesn’t always bring people together with harmonious results, so get the fairy tale ending out of your head, because if you are going into this with rose tinted glasses, this experience could be a disaster.
And, if he is married but is playing the old ‘we live separate lives’ card, then back-peddle at 100 miles an hour and leave the stress of a bad relationship to his long-suffering wife.
Remember, curiosity killed the cat. For your sake, I hope it doesn’t.
Dear Janice, at new year my partner moved into the flat I own and we could not be happier.
We talked about getting a joint place but decided that mine was in the perfect location and that we should stay put.
We split the bills 50/50, but my mum said this isn’t fair because he earns a lot more than I do.
She constantly nags me and makes snidey comments towards him. He has no idea why because I haven’t said anything.
Surely if I am happy with the arrangement, that should be the end of it? Lucy.
Dear Lucy, your mum is most likely very proud of the fact that you have managed to live independently, but now has concerns because the dynamics of your living situation has changed somewhat.
Check out your rights as owner, and his rights as non-owner, for no other reason than to quash your mum’s worries. It is also something you would be wise to be aware of should the worst case happen. I am sure after living independently you both know what is fair regarding contributing to the bills etc, eating out, holidays. So do your homework, speak to your mum and tell her that you will still have a roof over your head should things not work out. That’s all she needs to hear.
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