And the award for next Oscars host should go to...nobody

So. What’s the way out of this mess? Sorry, I’ll be more specific: the Oscars. For those not following the controversy, comedian Kevin Hart was revealed as the host of the 91st Academy Awards, but then some of his old homophobic tweets from 2010 and 2011 were unearthed. After a botched apology, two days later Hart announced that he would not be hosting the bash after all.

Now time is running out for the academy to find someone else for February’s ceremony. In the words of one comedy agent: “They’re freaking out”.

Even in the best circumstances, the Oscars host hunt is no simple matter. For the past few years viewing figures for the ceremony have been on a downward trend, reaching a record low this year. To salvage this, the academy wants someone who is a megastar household name but who also hasn’t told jokes in their past which could be whipped into controversy today.

Little wonder the Hollywood Reporter called being Oscars host the “least wanted job” in town.

The result of the academy’s committee thinking is that most hosts are at best bland (Jimmy Kimmel, Ellen DeGeneres) or at worst desperately unfunny flops (the double-act of Anne Hathaway and James Franco in 2011 must surely be the nadir).

According to some academy members, the possibility of holding the ceremony without any host at all is now “on the table”. While this is being treated like a panic situation — a “no deal” scenario, if you like — I actually think a hostless Oscar ceremony could be a great way to end the blandness. And at least it would be shorter.

Although there is a precedent for a no-host scenario (it happened between 1968 and 1970 and then again in 1988), I expect the academy will unfortunately beg someone like DeGeneres, nice and innocuous, into coming back.

But a boy can dream.

Fyre farce is a story that keeps on giving

It was billed as the “cultural experience of the decade”, endorsed by Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid, Emily Ratajkowski and other glitterati types. Yet for revellers forking out up to $125k for the new Fyre Festival, held in the Bahamas last April, expectations could not have been further from reality.

They were promised gourmet food, luxury accommodation and exotic wildlife. They got leaky tents, leakier sewage systems, slices of cheese on basic bread, and feral dogs roaming the grounds. It was my favourite news story of last year. Netflix will reveal more details next month in a documentary. Can’t wait.

Kanye could have caused a West End riot

Whether he’s launching into a pro-Trump Twitter rant or calling for the abolition of the 13th amendment to the US Constitution (the one that outlawed slavery), Kanye West provides many reasons why one might like to take away his phone.

Well, here’s another. Last week, while he was in the audience at New York’s Neil Simon Theatre, the rapper committed the gravest of theatre sins — he scrolled away on his phone for the whole show. I would have thought celebrities would relish the chance to disconnect from the world for a couple of hours and sit anonymously in the dark, but there we are. One of the actors grumbled about Kanye’s behaviour on Twitter and he apologised.

Kanye is lucky he went to Broadway rather than the West End. London audiences have been known to get into physical fights over phone use, most memorably at the Old Vic’s production of A Christmas Carol last year.

Baby it’s cold outside and this song’s naff

It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise that 1944’s flirty Christmas song Baby It’s Cold Outside contains lyrics that are a bit problematic by modern standards. Some US radio stations have declared they won’t air a track with lyrics like: “Say what’s in this drink?” Not in this #MeToo era.

There is the inevitable backlash of those who say that, depending on how it’s performed, the song could in fact be subtly empowering for women. Perhaps, though, the truth we have to admit is that it’s just a pretty naff song and, let’s face it, more relevant to the weather than it is to Christmas. Put on some real carols instead.