How the bizarre 'woke M&Ms' culture war dragged in a Saturday Night Live star

The anti-snowflake types are unhappy that M&amp;Ms aren't as sexy as they used to be <i>(Image: Getty Images)</i>
The anti-snowflake types are unhappy that M&Ms aren't as sexy as they used to be (Image: Getty Images)

In the culture wars, you’re either a ‘snowflake’ or the sort of person who uses ‘snowflake’ as a pejorative.

The insult has its roots in Chuck Palahniuk’s 1996 novel Fight Club, in which Tyler Durden (portrayed by Brad Pitt in the 1999 film adaptation) says “you are not special, you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.”

Right-wingers have spent the last few years using the term to denigrate anyone who complains about them being racist, homophobic or Jeremy Clarkson. As far as these people are concerned, a ‘snowflake’ is someone who is permanently offended.

In other news, right-wingers have launched a campaign against ‘woke M&Ms’.

Run that by me again. 

Woke M&Ms.

Woke?

Staying alert to racial prejudice and discrimination.

M&Ms?

Small, multi-coloured chocolates.

READ MORE: Jeremy Clarkson: Meghan Markle misogyny is the real shame

Is confectionery capable of staying alert to racial prejudice and discrimination?

‘Woke’ is another term which, thanks to the right, now has negative connotations. No-one has ever been able to explain exactly what they mean when they use ‘woke’ as an insult, but we can safely assume it’s something along the lines of ‘I don’t like this particular modern thing and would prefer to maintain the status quo that,  coincidentally, happens to benefit me’.

Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson, who is a real person and not a Chris Morris character, took issue with M&M owner Mars Inc’s decision in January 2022 to replace the green M&M’s boots with trainers and shorten the height of the brown M&M’s heels.

Why?

It’s impossible to provide a satisfactory explanation as to why one of the USA’s most prominent political commentators has been so thoroughly rattled by chocolate mascots. Suffice to say, Carlson used his platform to decry “woke M&Ms” and complain that they were “less sexy”.

HeraldScotland: A popular political pundit getting upset about M&amp;Ms
HeraldScotland: A popular political pundit getting upset about M&Ms

A popular political pundit getting upset about M&Ms (Image: Fox News)

READ MORE: How NFL star Damar Hamlin's on-field collapse was exploited by anti-vax ghouls

His discomfort increased earlier this month when Mars announced limited-edition packaging featuring only female M&Ms, with $1 from every pack going to charities which support women.

Sorry, “less sexy”? 

The anti-snowflake guy is having conniptions because he’s not sexually attracted to a fictional chocolate woman.

Sadly, hordes of impressionable men with goatees and unsatisfying custody agreements buy into Carlson’s nonsense, and so Mars have had to endure a boycott.

READ MORE: How Beyonce performing in Dubai sparked 'hypocrisy' claims over LGBTQ+ laws

How have they responded?

On Monday, Mars released a statement acknowledging that “even a candy’s shoes can be polarising”, and confirmed that they would be taking “an indefinite pause from the spokescandies”.

To view this content, you'll need to update your privacy settings.
Please click here to do so.

They also introduced their new spokesperson, Bridesmaids star Maya Rudolph.

So Tucker Carlson’s satisfied?

As satisfied as a man who freely admits that M&Ms aren’t sexy enough for him can ever be.