New book gives insight into mental health struggles and personal journeys of recovery
Those involved with the Belfast Recovery College have shared their personal experiences of struggling with their mental health and the steps they have taken to improve it in a new book that aims to instill a sense of hope.
Reflections on Our Journey has been released by the Recovery College's co-facilitators and students who share their own personal recovery journeys and how attending the college helped positively impact their mental health after going through difficult periods in their lives.
Paul ‘Pablo’ Stevenson, who was a student at the college before becoming a peer-educator there, provided the illustrations for the cover of the book and each of the written pieces and said that it was a privilege to help put the project together.
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He said: “It was an amazing experience to do this art because it wasn’t for me, it was more reading these stories and applying a bit of art from what I was reading and it just came together lovely. It started off as one story at first and they asked me to do a piece of artwork for the book itself, but it worked so well they asked me to do more and it was so enjoyable. The stories were talking, and I was laying down artwork. To have our artwork placed in such a privileged way is fantastic.”
One of the students at the college, Nick, has described in an extract from the book how during a difficult period in his life with his mental health he believed that he was thinking rationally and clearly, but looking back on the events now he sees that he was not.
Nick's Story - Scribbles in a dozen notebooks
"I never thought I would be described as someone with a mental illness. Are you joking? I was always the person who would do well under pressure. In fact, I faced pressure and thrived. Asking for help was never an option for someone like me, I said, while talking to two fellow students in the college foyer holding coffee cups. (Coffee is always a go-to thing.) Talking to them and others in the breaktimes made me realise that we all have different levels of tolerance in our lives. It was suggested that maybe I had just reached my limit. I hadn’t thought of that before. And these limits aren’t extraordinary – on further reflection they were everyday commonplace events. That is, everyone has limits no matter who they are. Sometimes those limits can appear epic when you’re in the middle of a crisis. Say, for example – a breakdown in your relationship, losing employment, personal issues related to your confidence, communication with people, your children go missing, multiple other life events. They all take their toll.
"A fellow student asked, ‘How did you fall under that weight?’ (The weight she was referring to was a breakdown of my relationship.) ‘I thought that I was perceptive, understanding at the time,’ I replied, ‘but later realised I wasn’t.’ She had asked a very simple but fundamental question. People who have had mental health issues know there is or was or will be a fall of some sort. You can’t possibly go through life without a fall of some kind or other. ‘Mine,’ I said, ‘was drinking alcohol until I saw the space that fills the night between stars. Then in those dark places, suicide seemed like a solution. It appeared to be an outcome. It marked time and made a kind of sense in the moment. Time comes to a single point – a singularity. Merely a tick-box exercise when drunk at night on a rocky beach. Now, it makes no sense – I mean, drinking until you pass out makes no sense. But at the time it did.’
"A simple chat between two students even now leaves those words hanging in the air. When you say them aloud to someone they are difficult to comprehend. Why?
"A soldier in uniform asked me the following, ‘Why do you think that while ill or drunk or both you believed you made perfect sense? Yet now you’re in recovery you believe you were confused?’ That question was poised, but he wasn’t looking for a correct or immediate answer – he wasn’t looking for an answer at all. I worked on a military base then checking equipment. Guns, no less, were stripped and laid out on metal benches behind heavy armoured doors, like parts of old clocks – clips, springs, barrels, oils sitting in small clear containers. The only answer I had was to write it down, then move on. I turned some of it into chapters in a book then looked at my scribbles later in a dozen notebooks. In those I held onto something real, onto trying to be a writer.
"I made two attempts over a period of time to end my life. Well, one wasn’t an attempt. It was to look down from an oak staircase and opt to not jump off it in a building I’d never been in before or since. The soldier asked me if I’d planned these attempts? ‘Yes, to perfection,’ I replied, ‘as far as I can remember them, but now there are flashbacks and parts I can’t remember.’ Yet, in an odd way, these memories armour me. Yes, I do get a cold chill like a drop of mist on my neck, but this is more a reassuring sign that I’m still alive years later! Anyway, I prefer the warm sunshine. I’m looking forward to living in Spain some day in the sun."
Harry Miller, Service Co-Lead for the Recovery College, spoke of the pride within the college now the book is available to the public. He said: “Reflections on our Journey epitomises the ethos of the college, a book filled with stories of hope, opportunity and control, that was co-designed and co-produced with both lived and learned experience. It makes me extremely proud to be part of the College, and the book launch is a fitting way to celebrate the Recovery College and recognise the efforts of everyone involved in bringing these stories to life.”
Orla Tierney, Co-Director for Mental Health Services, added that launch of this book it’s the start of an exciting time ahead for the Recovery College. She Said: “The launch of ‘Reflections on our Journey’ is a significant milestone in the journey of the Recovery College. It marks the culmination of years of effort by the contributors and our peer workforce. The Mental Health & CAMHS Division are progressive in promoting the role of the Peer and have developed a strong Peer Workforce structure. I am excited to see how the Recovery College can further play a role in Implementing Recovery through Organisational Change.”
Reflections on Our Journey is now available to the public for free. Copies can be collected directly from Belfast Recovery College at their premises located at Ground Floor, Lanyon Building, 10 North Derby Street, Belfast.
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