Britain's Got Talent judge Amanda Holden has bravely opened up about her son Theo's tragic stillbirth in 2011.
Speaking on the BBC's Dear NHS Superstars, Amanda recalled the moment she found out her son had no heartbeat when she was seven months pregnant.
"I remember waking up and I remember thinking I hadn't felt my baby kick for most of the night which was unusual because he was so active," Amanda said.
"So I did all the things that you're supposed to do, I had a fizzy, sweet drink, I got in the bath to try and wake him up but he wasn't moving."
Amanda then decided to go to West Middlesex Hospital in London, where she was seen by her friend Jackie who is also a midwife.
When Jackie checked Amanda she couldn't hear a heartbeat, she went to call in an obstetrician in.
"Luckily for us, an obstetrician was coming past and Jackie said to the obstetrician, 'Please can you go in, I can't hear the patient's baby's heartbeat,' and then I heard this terrible noise, this guttural screaming," Amanda continued.
"It was the most bizarre thing that's ever happened to me because it was me and I didn't know I was doing it. I had no control over myself, I thought it was somebody in another room making the noise.
"And everyone, all at this time, were holding me, calming me down being so loving towards me. I forgot entirely that I'd have to get the baby out and I'd have to give birth to our son."
Amanda, who is mum to daughters Alexa, 14, and Hollie, eight, with her husband Chris Hughes, said she decided to have a C-section because she did not think she could go through a natural labour.
"The C-section was beyond horrific because you know that at the end a little baby who has nothing wrong with him apart from being asleep is going to come out," Amanda continued.
"All the way through it I said, 'I can't hold a dead baby.' I was absolutely terrified. Just as baby was going to come out my husband Chris had to leave the room, he couldn't bear it.
"Jackie wrapped him up and I was still like, 'I can't do it, Jackie. I can't hold him.' Jackie said, 'He's absolutely gorgeous, Amanda you need to see him.'
"That's when I held him in my arms for the first time and realised I was still a mummy even though he was fast asleep. The thing that I always remember most about him is his perfectly formed eyebrows, which all my children have."
Amanda then described how the NHS workers treated her "like family" and gave her "keepsakes" of Theo to remember him by.
"Theo was put into a little room so his body could be preserved and we could go and see him as much or as little as we wanted," she said.
"Jackie came in talked to me all about the little keepsakes we could have, to remind ourselves of Theo forever. We got his footprints and a little bit of his hair and the blanket that he was born in.
"I'll do anything for that hospital because that's where my son was born and that's where we were treated with such care, like family members, that's the best way to describe it."
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