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All the Brits performances from last night, ranked

Photo credit: Mike Marsland/WireImage / Getty Images
Photo credit: Mike Marsland/WireImage / Getty Images

From Digital Spy

The Brit Awards are great. A chance for the British music industry to pat itself on the back for another year, and another job well done. But it's more than an awards show – it's a show. One of the biggest gigs of the year, in fact. (With more than its fair share of cock-ups.) So who was good, who was bad and who should be ashamed of themselves?

10. Robbie Williams – medley from his new album

Winning the Brits Global Icon award and getting to sing a song or two as a nod to your musical legacy is all well and good, but not when all you do are mediocre tracks from your most recent album, all of which not one person knows more than five concurrent words to. Which is exactly what Rob did, surrounded by loads of women – so many women – wearing bondage bras and tiger pants while the audience waited for him to do 'Angels'. He didn't. Although perhaps it was a blessing in disguise, as a public performance of 'Rock DJ' stayed safely locked away for one more ceremony.

9. Bruno Mars – 'That's What I Like'

Pocket-sized pop god Bruno wore a lovely shirt for this one, a nice red and blue number. Smooth jam 'That's What I Like' wasn't a big old crowd-pleaser like 'Uptown Funk' or '24K Magic', so might have got a bit dull for anyone who a) doesn't care much for every single release, ever by Bruno and b) doesn't enjoy gawping at his tiny little cutie frame. Not the most exciting performance of all time and not one worth rewatching on YouTube. Ever. Again.

8. Coldplay & The Chainsmokers – 'Something Just Like This'

Coldplay have been performing the same performance for the past four or so years, slotting in different songs as is necessary. Chris Martin in colourful t-shirt worn over long-sleeved top? Check. Chris Martin in colourful trainers with jeans featuring a mysterious motif? Check. Chris Martin bouncing around earnestly? Check. Multicoloured ticker tape released from the ceiling at a climactic point in the song? Check.

Those guys have it down to a well-defined T. But props to Chris for allowing himself to be manhandled in the moshpit, lolling to himself after he emerged from a sea of eager elbows and handsy digits. And to the camera people for giving us at least two shots of Hot Bassist Guy Berryman. As for The Chainsmokers? Hardly even noticed they'd turned up.

7. Emeli Sandé – 'Hurts'

The once omnipotent Emeli summoned the whole of nature for her performance, which also doubled up as a physical manifestation of the clapping emoji. As well as giant visuals of clouds, rainforests, the sea and the earth as seen from space, Emeli appeared to have schooled her many dancers in the five movements from The OA. No sign of Homer, though.

6. Ed Sheeran and Stormzy – 'Castle On The Hill/Shape Of You'

The camera cut away to Game Of Thrones' Maisie Williams having a ball to this, FYI. Dressed-down Ed did his usual thing and played his guitar and sang his two latest releases to montages of comic book superheroes – before being joined on stage by an enthusiastic and bouncing woolly-hatted Stormzy. Legend.

5. Skepta – 'Shut Down'

Skepta's helped put grime firmly on the map, he's got the bars and bagged the Mercury Prize last year. So on paper, this should have been a brilliant performance. And it would have been, if only we'd been able to hear most of it.

Skepta had the "ring ring pussy" bit edited out of his song (which, to be fair, is in every single chorus) even though it was after 9pm, and so continued a constant stream of muting throughout his energetic performance against a red laser-lit backdrop. Afterwards, Simon Cowell gave him a standing ovation, and Brits co-host Dermot, unlike Skepta, was allowed to swear and chose to say "batshit crazy" for no apparent reason at all.

4. The 1975 – 'The Sound'

The 1975 make really good pop. And they know that. And they use this to their advantage. During their performance of Really Good Pop Song 'The Sound', they flashed up on screen a plethora of disses that had once been directed towards them. Barbs like "Pompous arena synth pop", "Unconvincing emo lyrics" and "Punch-your-TV-obnoxious".

That said, it was a visual affectation that would have most likely have been more fun for those in the audience than viewers at home, who just got a load of baby-pink not-so-subliminal messages interrupting a performance which featured lead singer Matt Healy looking like Little Lord Fauntleroy at a dinner dance.

3. Chris Martin – 'You Have Been Loved'

We defy anyone to have kept a dry eye during the tribute to George Michael from his Wham bandmates Andrew Ridgeley and Pepsi & Shirlie, especially when Pepsi (and then Shirlie's) voice crackled and broke. Following on from his bandmate and friends' moving words, not feeling sad and wistful during the performance wasn't an option.

The archive footage of George coupled with the soaring strings and mid-way through, Chris "duetting" with George performing on the big screen… if you didn't have a lump in your throat then you should probably check your pulse.

2. Katy Perry – 'Chained To The Rhythm'

This is ranking high in the Chart Of Brits things for several reasons: It's a great song, Katy Perry is a brilliantly sassy pop star, AND she took the piss out of actual Donald Trump and our Prime Minister Theresa May.

Katy's giant Trump and May skeletons danced along to her first single in four years, and the gruesome twosome even shook their bony, giant hands – which literally caused sparks to fly. And then a backing dancer (dressed as a house) fell off the stage. She knows how to bring the drama, that one.

1. Little Mix – 'Shout Out To My Ex'

You can't open the Brits with a rubbish performance, so luckily Little Mix didn't disappoint – and slayed left right and centre from the moment they were lifted in to the O2 on sedan chairs by people sprayed silver. Sedan chairs, for God's sake.

AND they started the song with a dance breakdown, all while wearing a jumbo roll of Bacofoil between them. The UK's premier popstars showed why they deserve that very title belting out 2016's greatest empowerment anthem at the top of their lungs. And for that we worship the very ground they walk on.


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