Our brother Paul Gosar needs to be stopped. Merrick Garland, are you listening?

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LEGISLADOR-ANIMÉ VIOLENTO (AP)
LEGISLADOR-ANIMÉ VIOLENTO (AP)

Marvel Studios? Hollywood? Have we got a blockbuster new superhero for you. Get this. He’s 62 years old, a retired dentist, and a grandpa. Interested? Wait, there’s so much more! He associates with white supremacists. He has been accused of dabbling in anti-semitism and anti-Muslim bigotry — a real religious hate two-fer. He has demonized immigrants, spreads Covid lies, and is apparently very proud of using terms like the “Wuhan Virus” — a term that was subsequently picked up by Donald Trump and helped incite murderous attacks, assaults, and bullying against the Asian community. And last, but certainly not least, this man was allegedly instrumental in inciting the attempted overthrow of our government. It’s a winner, don’t you agree?

Who are we talking about? Why, none other than our brother, Paul Gosar, a stunning textbook example of the Dunning-Kruger effect in that he is completely oblivious to how ridiculously unfit he is to be a US Congressman.

Oh, and we forgot two other key points about this new superhero you’re going to absolutely love. He already has a superhero name, “The Weasel” — his actual nickname in high school. And you don’t have to write a single script because you can simply have him dictate to you all the fantasies he imagines about himself, in his unique word-salad style. Like, for instance, the recent “Attack on Titan’’ video he posted online where he fantasizes about killing Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and attacking President Joe Biden.

So who could stop The Weasel? Well, let’s take a look at the options. First up, we have the hand-wringing, timid, do-nothing Democratic leadership in Congress. These are the people who still, after years of being sucker-punched, don’t realize they are in a no-holds-barred street fight for this country — a fight which, if lost, will have very dire consequences for us all. So, as you can see, The Weasel doesn’t have to worry too much about them.

Next, we have Attorney General Merrick Garland. Like The Weasel, he has fantasies — more palatable ones, though. He fantasizes that he will act so as to repay this country for taking in his grandparents who were forced to flee from violent anti-Semites, as he emotionally testified to during his confirmation hearing. That is a noble goal. Yet he has been so slow to act. Recall how he delayed on holding Steve Bannon to account for defying a subpoena. So again, not too much action coming from that source.

So what’s left? The Courts? Nope. That will take too long, especially at the glacial speed of our current Attorney General. How about Dominion, the voting machine company who sued Trump and others for defamation — hasn’t The Weasel repeatedly defamed them also? Seemingly so, but they don’t appear interested. So, I guess your writers will have to come up with something there because we’re stumped.

And they’ll need to, because if The Weasel and the Trumpian movement he represents aren’t stopped, then things don’t look good.

But maybe, maybe, someone in this saga can impress upon Merrick Garland one painfully obvious point. There are only two parts of a cult, Merrick. There is the cult leader and there is the cult. There is no vice president of the cult. Never has been, never will be; because that’s not how cults work. So, if you take out the cult leader, the cult buzzes away in all directions like a bee hive that’s lost its queen. And this 75-year-old, orange queen has so richly earned being taken down.

But if you can’t hurry up and do your job before it’s too late, Merrick — and it certainly appears that way to those of us who have long experience as a federal and state court criminal defense lawyer and investigator — then step aside and let Glen Kirschner do it. He will, and the story will have that happy ending we all so desperately need.

Jennifer Gosar works in public health and lives in the Pacific Northwest.

Dave Gosar has worked in law as a practicing attorney for over 30 years and lives in Wyoming.

Tim Gosar has worked in private investigations for over 30 years.

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