'My bubbly mum was hiding secret - then my world came crashing down'

A woman says she felt "abandoned" after both her parents sadly died within a year and five months of each other. Katie Irvine, 28, says her "bubbly mum", Teresa, 50, secretly suffering with a mental health battle - which left her "blindsided" when she ended her own life.

Teresa, a community fundraiser, was diagnosed with bipolar when she was 44, and depression when she was in her early twenties - but hid it from Katie under a "happy" persona. Katie says that she spent most of her life worrying that something "bad" would happen and her world came crashing down when police showed up at her work on March 15, 2019, to break the tragic news of her mum's death.

However, grief continued to follow Katie. Just a year and five months after her mother's death, her father, Gary Irvine, also passed away. The 54-year-old had suffered from an alcohol addiction and his death was partly due to the "the heartbreak and relief."

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Katie, a sixth form support officer, from Sutton, Surrey, said: "My mum wanted to protect me from her diagnoses - right up until six months before her death.

"She was very happy - but it was very much outside of the home. Behind closed doors, she was a very, very different person.

"Her emotional reactions were quite extreme - going from manic highs to devastating lows. I felt abandoned after both my parents died - like I had no support anymore."

Katie's earliest memories of her "warm" mum were "really nice" - involving days out, long chats and lots of playing. She was too young to understand Teresa's mental health problems, and only child Katie says she was the "sibling I never had".

"We were best friends," she said. "She'd always be the one to play with me, because I didn't have any siblings. She just devoted everything to me - we did everything together."

When Katie arrived at secondary school, she started to get the feeling her family was different to everyone else's. She found her mum would have "extreme emotional reactions" to everything Katie would tell her.

It got to the point where Katie stopped telling her anything that might upset her, or cause her to react badly. "If I told her I had a bad day, she'd get really over-the-top upset about it," Katie said.

"Her emotions and reactions were so extreme, I didn't want to tell her anything bad. It was so stressful, I became extremely protective over her."

During her teenage years, Katie remembers a lot of "rowing and shouting" between her parents. When Katie hit her early twenties, Teresa's condition rapidly started to decline.

Between mid-2017 and her death in 2019, she had attempted to take her own life three times. The third, which happened at the end of 2018, left her in intensive care for three months - as her organs began to shut down.

"It was really serious," Katie said. "We weren't sure if she was going to come out of it. She was just very neurotic really, for that last year-and-a-half."

"It was always up-and-down, but now - it was like, she'd book holidays when she was up, talk about having nothing to live for when she was low."

At the time of Teresa's death, Katie was splitting her time living between her family home and her friend's house, down the road. On March 14, 2019, she noted her mum "didn't look right" - but couldn't put her finger on why.

Teresa reassured her she'd be fine in the morning and Katie left to stay with her friend. "The last thing I ever said to her was 'get a good night's sleep, I'll see you in the morning'," Katie said.

"The police came to my work the next day, and I just knew. They told me, dropped me off home, then it was investigations, the inquest, planning her funeral and throwing myself into my PGCE."

Katie said it was then that her dad, Gary, started to "shut down" after his wife died. There was a palpable relief for my dad after mum died," Katie said.

"Knowing he'd basically been in charge of suicide watch for a year-and-a-half - his body just released. He died at 9.40am on August 1, 2020, from liver failure caused by excessive drinking.

"I felt instantly abandoned and like I had no direction or support anymore. Losing both parents within a year was a complete shock. I didn't know what to do, or what life was going to look like, moving forward."

Katie has spent the last five years in therapy, trying to work through her grief and anxiety. Now, for National Suicide Prevention Week [September 8 to 14], Katie wants to raise awareness of those struggling with grief after a suicide.

She's training to be a counsellor and wants to help others experiencing loss and grief. She said: "As soon as you even say the word 'suicide,' people don't want to talk about it.

"That can be really difficult when you've lost someone to suicide. People would cross the road if they saw me, or keep their heads down in the supermarket. I think, had mum died a different way, it wouldn't have been like that. We need to work on de-stigmatising it, and being there for people going through it."