Cambs mum speaks out after she was strangled by her controlling boyfriend

A brave domestic abuse survivor has spoken out about the appalling abuse she suffered at the hands of her former partner. Coercive control is often at the heart of domestic abuse and as part of the government's '16 Days of Action against violence towards women and girls', mum-of-two Hayley Simpson has given her account of her disturbing, but inspiring story.

“I remember the first time he lost his temper. We were having a bicker while I was cutting vegetables in the kitchen. I said something he didn’t like, so he punched me hard, in the top centre of my back.

“I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t have time to tense up - it literally took my breath away. He apologised afterwards and seemed very remorseful,” Hayley said. “I thought it would be a one-off. Maybe I had triggered him, something might’ve happened to him in the past.

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“But that would be the last time he would ever say sorry to me.” That incident was four months into what turned out to be a seven-year relationship of abuse, which left Hayley a shadow of her former “bubbly” self.

Hayley, 46, had met her partner on a dating website in the summer of 2014, after previously spotting him at the local gym, and he appeared to be “very quiet, shy and an introvert”.

“He said he wanted to take me out,” said the mum-of-two. “He was very charming and complimentary towards me.” But as the relationship became “quite serious, quite quickly”, Hayley noticed her partner was starting to criticise her clothes, stating her tops were “too low” or “gaping”.

“He said guys would be looking - he knew what guys were like. He didn’t like women to dress in ‘that way’,” she said. “So, he took me shopping to buy some vests to wear underneath my tops. I thought it was out of concern, maybe I hadn’t noticed what I was dressing like.”

Before long, Hayley was told to cover up – inside her home as well as out and about, and even at the height of summer, she was forbidden to wear shorts or a skirt.

“I lived in jeans or trousers and three-quarter length tops,” she said. “I was petrified of buying myself anything new in case it was inappropriate.” Hayley was also told to close the blinds if she exercised at home as “guys would be looking through the window”.

Before long, her partner was controlling all aspects of her life. He alienated her from her family and friends, and she wasn’t allowed to sit with her colleagues in the canteen at work.

“I had to sit in my car and call him every lunch time,” said Hayley. “If I was two or three minutes late finishing work, he would ring me wanting to know why I wasn’t on the way home.”

He also insisted on knowing which male colleagues she was due to work with and demanded to have a copy of her rota. Hayley was too scared to socialise, for fear of her partner “kicking off” – as he had done previously when she tried to go out for a work Christmas meal.

“At first, he seemed ok about it when I said I was only going for the meal, not for drinks afterwards with the others,” she said. “But when I came downstairs after getting changed, he looked at me and said, ‘You don’t think you are going out, do you?’

“He then started to kick off saying there would be other men; that I would be drinking and dancing. He ripped off my engagement ring off and threw it outside.

“I texted my friend to say please, don’t pick me up. I think she knew something wasn’t right. I had gone from being a bubbly person to going into my shell. I was anxious, on edge, wasn’t eating or sleeping properly. Sometimes I would just physically shake.

“I knew the consequences would be bad if I ever was to stand up to him.” Her partner blamed his abusive behaviour on Hayley – he said it was because she “wound him up” and she “played the victim”.

“But one day, he strangled me in the kitchen until I blacked out”, she said. “When I came round, I said, you do realise, you could’ve killed me. I have kids, they need me. He just smirked at me and said, ‘And what if I did?’

“I knew then I had to leave, or otherwise he would kill me one day.” Hayley also found out he was cheating on her, so she plucked up the courage to end the relationship over the phone.

But he refused to accept it was over and told her he would never leave her alone until she got back with him. “I rang the police. I kept some of the pictures of my injuries on a safe file on a separate phone. I thought one day, I might need those,” said Hayley.

Her former partner pleaded guilty to engaging in controlling behaviour and was sentenced two years and three months in prison. “The police were amazing. It’s a long process, I’m not going to lie. But I had the best policewoman, she was so good.

“In the past, I know some people have lost confidence in the police. But they handle things very differently these days, I can’t fault them. I would say to anyone who is now in the position I was in, call the police. I now feel stronger than ever, a weight has been lifted and I’m almost back to being my old bubbly self.”

To report concerns or for more advice and support on domestic abuse, including coercive control, visit the force’s dedicated web pages.