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Children must learn that homophobia is unacceptable - that's why we teach our pupils about the dangers from day one

There are only two things that really matter in a school: the quality of teaching and the warmth of human relationships.

A school can never be better than its teachers. And its pupils can only ever achieve to their full potential if valued and supported by those around them. All that seems obvious to me. Yet because it is, neither issue gets the attention it deserves. That needs to change.

One of the greatest barriers to developing warm, purposeful relationships between pupils is bullying. Nothing is so corrosive to an individual’s well-being. And nothing is more damaging to educational outcomes. How interesting that when policy makers fret about our country’s lowly position in educational league tables, they so rarely consider the impact of pupil happiness or unhappiness – both on the pupils and on their teachers. I would hazard an educated guess that the most significant way to improve the UK’s performance in international education rankings is to teach children to treat each other with greater respect.

Ofsted sex ed

One man who sees this and who goes out 20 days a year, for free, to spread his anti-bullying message is Sir Ian McKellen, who visited Brighton College recently to speak to pupils from across Sussex about the particular challenges that schools face in dealing with homophobic bullying. He does so as the ambassador of Stonewall, a remarkable campaigning charity that works with schools to reduce the prevalence and impact of homophobic bullying.

Every teacher in the country has heard use of the word gay to describe something defective or useless. Every teacher in the country has seen a young person isolated and bullied because of his or her perceived sexuality. Almost nine in ten secondary school teachers surveyed by Stonewall said pupils in their schools have experienced homophobic bullying while two thirds have heard pupils use terms like “faggot”, “dyke”, “poof” and “queer”. Yet more than half of secondary school teachers say they don’t always challenge homophobic language when they hear it. Would they be so negligent in dealing with racist language? The Stonewall survey suggests most definitely not.

And then there are the headteachers. I recall the leader of a rather smart girls’ school telling other delegates at a conference recently that she couldn’t possibly raise the issue of homophobic bullying with her very conservative parent body, for fear of causing upset. She knew she had a duty to do so – and a legal responsibility – but mused that she was better saying nothing. It was all sadly reminiscent of the ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ approach. Little wonder that so many teachers are so unsure of whether their head will support them on the issue.

Sir Ian would have given her short shrift. His message here at school was clear. Don’t treat anyone with less respect than you would like to be treated yourself. Accept that we are all different. Embrace that difference. And then discover how much more interesting everything is.

Or as he might have put it: you shouldn’t live your entire life as an actor on someone else’s stage. You can be your own director, producer and performer.

We need more of Britain’s children to be like that. Not diminished, fearful and closed but valued, open-hearted and open-minded. And we need more Ian McKellens, men and women with a particular appeal to youngsters who are prepared to give of their time to show teenagers that the best way in the long-term is nearly always the kindest way.

Perhaps one day, Stonewall’s schools ambassador might even be a Premier League footballer. That really would be progress.