The 35-year-old opened up about her grief since announcing her miscarriage nearly halfway through her third pregnancy on Sept. 30 with raw images of herself and family members, including husband John Legend, from the hospital room where it happened.
"It seems like so long ago," Teigen said on the Ellen DeGeneres Show on Monday. "Of course, everything was such a blur and thinking back to it now, I’m still in therapy about it and I’m still coming to terms with it in a way."
Since announcing her pregnancy in Legend's music video for the song Wild, the couple has shared a lot about the joys of expecting a third child, who the couple planned to name Jack, and later the "unimaginable" experience of losing that child. And although Teigen's transparency has been met with mixed reactions, she told DeGeneres that sharing has been therapeutic.
"Being Thai and being raised in a house that was very open about loss, I think it was really helpful because I see it as...it can be a beautiful thing and it was a really transformative thing for me," Teigen said. "In a way, [Jack] really saved me because I don’t think that I would have discovered therapy and then sobriety and this path of really feeling good about myself and feeling like a new person."
Still, on the week of Jack's due date, the mother-of-two expressed that she's still in disbelief over his loss.
"Of course you don’t ever imagine it happening to you, I think that was what the crazy part was for me. I was like, I hear these stories about other people. This doesn’t happen, this kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me. So when it does, you're just so shocked," she said. "You really don't know the meaning of the word unimaginable until something like that happens to you because it’s really something that you read about and that you see happen with other people and I just remember being so perplexed. I was like, I have everything. My goodness."
She continued, "Afterwards there's such a spiral of things that you could've done differently and you start to get really tough on yourself. But what you learn through it about yourself is such a wild, incredible thing."
Throughout the process, Teigen said that she's been exposed to more love than ever before. She has even seen a new sense of empathy and understanding from her children, 4-year-old Luna and 2-year-old Miles.
"So many people were so supportive but yeah, you really gain this incredible amount of empathy and I really somehow think I am a better person now and it's just… I just have the best support system ever," she said. "This week, we're thinking about him especially. It’s just been so beautiful to see my kids, the way they talk about him too. They're so open and sweet and when we go to the beach or something, they’ll say, 'Is baby Jack with us right now? Do you think he’s up in the clouds? Do you think he's...' And it’s just so beautiful and so sweet."
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