Civility will only return when we learn to respect each others’ views again

James Graham (In this age of anger, civility has never been more essential, 17 February) is right about the conversation crisis in public and civic life. I agree wholeheartedly that we are seeing the “death of complexity”. What a shame therefore that when being more specific he “simplifies” and conjures up the usual suspects, ie Theresa May and Brexit, as if all the problems come from one direction. It is undoubtedly true that the referendum, more than anything else, has led to the breakdown in civil discourse, but remainers must bear their share of responsibility for this, stereotyping, as they do, all leavers as, at best, stupid and, at worst, bigoted, uninformed and racist. The mainstream media have a lot to answer for too, as they have never given intelligent, decent leavers a voice, playing up to the stereotypes at every opportunity, seeking out the most stupid to represent leave for “vox pops” and studio discussions.

It is ironic that Graham quotes Orwell who was, more than anything, opposed to “groupthink”, which is what we have had in the Brexit debate – from both sides. What good does it do, for the social cohesion so badly needed, to divide the country into “good” and “evil” as the mainstream media has done: remain = good; leave = evil.

I abstained from voting, being, to quote Clive James, “firmly in both camps”. My preference would have been remain and reform, but I’m not sure this would be possible given the current structure and leadership of the EU. On the other hand, I couldn’t bring myself to vote leave, with the current inept rightwing government in power, knowing there would be chaos. I believe there are good people on both sides as well as some very unpleasant ones. There were of course some extremely unpleasant people who voted leave for awful reasons. And there were some equally unpleasant self-righteous and smug people who voted remain either out of self-interest or because they wanted to be in “the right club”. Neither group gave much thought to the issues. Yes, it’s complex and it needs all people of goodwill, whichever way they voted, to respect each other, oppose extremists on both sides and try to find a way through the difficulties ahead. Unless there is a real shift in the current entrenched positions, I’m not holding my breath.
Jill Rooney
Ashtead, Surrey

• Like James Graham, I wouldn’t naturally find myself lauding John Major, but the former PM’s words from the dispatch box on the death of John Smith demonstrate a “reasonableness” that is sadly lacking throughout society almost a quarter of a century on. I am as guilty as anyone of falling into the trap of an uncivil response to views I disagree with. I too hope I can heed the advice of Peter Capaldi, take a step back and “be kind”.
Neil Macehiter
Cambridge

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