College Lacrosse Team Plans Cargo Shorts Retirement Party 'Because It's Time to Say Goodbye'

Julia Glum
College Lacrosse Team Plans Cargo Shorts Retirement Party 'Because It's Time to Say Goodbye'

A wide-ranging, highly important and often heated debate that for years has dominated American discourse—and, more recently, Twitter feeds across the country—is finally about to come to an end.

Cargo shorts are out: Even the bros say so.

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Marketing officials for the lacrosse team at Georgetown University announced Tuesday they would be throwing a cargo shorts retirement party before the team's April 29 game. Complete with a depocketing station, a farewell speech-writing contest and an intervention area for people who just can't quite let go, the event was set up because "it's time to say goodbye," according to an advertisement.

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"I have been with you through thick and thin," the shorts themselves said in a brief statement somehow typed into an iPhone's Notes app and posted to the Georgetown Hoyas' official Twitter account. "I will always remember the moments we shared together and the large amount of unnecessary items I helped you hold. In the new age of pockets being sewed into shorts and not on the outside of them, it has become apparent to me that my time in the spotlight is over."


Though the ads specify that the Georgetown shindig is a party, not a funeral, death has been knocking at the wardrobe door for a while now. 

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Cargo shorts, which were first developed in the 1940s for soldiers and pilots and were later adopted by hordes of men both on campus and off, have had a rough time of it recently. In August, The Wall Street Journal published an article under the headline "Nice Cargo Shorts! You’re Sleeping on the Sofa," about how much wives hated the look, and the ball got rolling on the negative coverage.

"Men Are Finally Catching On to How Ugly Cargo Shorts Are," wrote the Cut. "Cargo Shorts: It's Not Them, It's You," said the Daily Beast. "Cargo shorts – practical clothing or man-shaming stupid pants?" asked The Guardian.

Of course, some people did come to the defense of the garment. Eighty-six percent of the more than 6,300 people who took a Huffington Post poll asking "Do you think cargo shorts should be banned from men's legs forever?" said "No way, I love cargo shorts!" Pieces extolling their value still crop up from time to time: On Monday, the Chicago Tribune put out an opinion piece that, in part, listed the many and varied items they can hold. 

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The Georgetown event, however, may signify that the topic has been put to rest once and for all. If athletes, once among the biggest fans of cargo shorts, are abandoning this ship, it is conceivable that soon nobody will be left.

Rest in pants.

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