Dear Coleen: My ex and I are fighting over custody of our dog

Dear Coleen

I hope this doesn’t sound like a trivial problem, but my ex and I are fighting over who gets custody of our dog.

He bought the dog three-and- a-half years ago and at first I wasn’t keen, as I’ve never had pets, but I love this dog so much now and she’s a huge part of my life. I’m the one who walks her, feeds her and takes care of her.

He’s saying the dog is his and his 10-year-old daughter (from a previous relationship) will be devastated if she stays with me, as she won’t be able to see her.

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I’ve already said his daughter would be welcome to visit, but that’s not good enough.

The dog is still with me for now in the home that we used to share before he moved out, but he keeps on calling and texting, asking about a plan to hand her over.

What can I do? I can’t believe he’s being such an a***hole over this. The dog is all I have left, while he has a daughter and can buy her a dog of her own.

It feels crazy that he’s being so unreasonable and that we’re still arguing over it.

What can I do?

Coleen says

Well, it’s not trivial and I think this kind of dispute is a lot more common than you’d imagine.

The fact is, pets become part of the family and we love them very much. I had a golden retriever with my first husband and, when we broke up, he kept her.

From my point of view, his home was the dog’s home and she was happy and settled, plus I had to navigate moving back up North and being a single mum to two young boys.

So, I think you do have to look at the circumstances and what’s going to be best for the dog. If your ex was thinking logically about this, the dog would stay with you, but he’s being led by his emotions. Just because you do most of the practical stuff with your pet, doesn’t mean your ex doesn’t love her and miss her.

If you both love the dog this much, then you have to treat it in the same way you’d negotiate access to a child.

Is there a situation where you could share the dog in some way? It’s also helpful when one of you wants to go on holiday, plus his daughter would get to see more of her.

People do go to court over animals, but you would save yourself a lot of stress and money if you can avoid that and come to some kind of ­compromise.

And avoid using the dog as a way of getting some kind of revenge on each other.

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