Dear Coleen: 'I’m embarrassed to be out with my super-clingy girlfriend'
Dear Coleen
I’m a guy in my late twenties and have been seeing my girlfriend for about a year. When it’s just the two of us, it’s perfect. But whenever we’re out, she’s so clingy it’s embarrassing.
Not only do I feel awkward, but the people we’re with don’t know where to look. She literally clings on to me, clutching my arm, kissing me, sitting on my lap (if the opportunity is there). It’s really over the top and a massive cringe.
And it’s not just when we’re out with mates, but also when we see our families. My sister recently made a comment, saying I needed to “watch out” as my girlfriend had all the signs of a “bunny boiler”.
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I suppose she comes across as a bit possessive and needy but, at first, I liked that she was so into me. Now, though, it’s getting on my nerves and I hate feeling like we’re the butt of people’s jokes.
The thing is, she’s gorgeous, she’s smart, she’s got an interesting job and has no reason to lack confidence in herself. What’s the best way to sort this out without hurting her feelings?
Coleen says
She may be smart and lovely, but somewhere down the line something may have happened to make her feel insecure. Maybe she’s felt abandoned in the past or there was a lack of attention from people she loved.
I get this neediness is suffocating – however much you care about someone, you need to be on our own sometimes or be able to sit in a chair without your partner sitting all over you.
The other day, I told my partner Michael I was going to the shop and he wanted to come with me, but I’d had a busy week at work and there were loads of people in my house, so I said, “Babe, I just want an hour on my own”.
We all need space and I just wanted to go to Tesco by myself and not talk to anyone! So, I think you should just be honest. Tell her you’re happy and you love her, but sometimes you find the public displays of affection a bit overwhelming.
Maybe you could say you’re comfortable holding hands, but everything else feels too much. The fact is, we’re all different and not everyone is comfortable with being so touchy-feely in public. It’s just about communication and compromise.
And if she does make a fuss about it, then it’s her issue to work on. You need to find a happy medium, so she’s not too worried to come near you or you can’t give her a hug or a kiss when you feel like it. There’s a middle ground and she’s just not found it – but you can find it together.
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