Susannah Butter: Dear landlady, I’m in it for the long run, so can I please have a fair rent? And Jacinda Ardern, the PM I'd have a pint with

I recently decided to carry out an experiment. I pretended that I could afford to buy a house. In the process, I realised I was woefully ignorant about where to begin in this world that I have been locked out of.

I am among the third of young people who face living in private rented accommodation all of their lives, according to a new report by the Resolution Foundation. That’s twice as many as the number for that jammy generation born between 1965 and 1980. Dear landlady, I’m in it for the long run.

Pushing open the door of the estate agents, I felt like a fraud. How do you actually buy a house? You Google it. After a scroll through the internet I went in equipped with lies about my imaginary mortgage broker and questions like, “so how’s the market? Is it a good time to buy?”

The estate agent took my questions seriously and told me that if you need somewhere to live, it’s always the right time to buy. Then he lost me, with talk of surveys and unfathomable amounts of debt.

I don’t like to think about how much I’ve spent on rent. Occasionally I wonder if I should impose austerity on myself in order to afford a deposit for a bedsit in zone six. But I don’t want to wallow so I push thoughts of home ownership away, telling myself I’m lucky to be free from the shackles of a mortgage — I could move to LA with a month’s notice. Stamp duty is for dullards.

But the estate agent highlighted what is often ignored — as well as being an asset, a house should be where you settle. Politicians say they know more affordable homes are needed but the situation won’t change any time soon. Better protection for those who rent should be a priority, so that even if you don’t have enough for a deposit you can have a secure place to live.

Dining out, the Chinese way

On a trip to Beijing, I noticed that the direct Chinese manner comes into its own at restaurants. There’s no awkward routine of trying to catch the waiter’s eye, feeling guilty that you’re being served by someone and simultaneously irked that they aren’t noticing you. Instead, it’s the custom to shout a curt “Hey!” when you want attention. It works.

Even my impeccably mannered English friend who lives in China does it. I was astonished when I first saw her restaurant diva alter-ego but by the end of the trip I was hailing waiters like a pro. By the same token, waiters don’t explain the provenance of dishes at length. In fact, better not ask about that.

Jacinda: a PM I’d like to sink a pint with

When President Trump’s bluster dominates the news agenda, it is refreshing to remember that there is another type of world leader; one who isn’t embroiled in scandals, leaves their ego out of politics and actually seems like a real human being. That’s why I hope Jacinda Ardern enjoys her trip to London.

The Prime Minister of New Zealand is in town today with Canadian crumpet, sorry, I mean Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau for the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting.

As well as rising to the top in a man’s world at just 37 years old, with a drive to combat social injustice, Ardern is the sort of person you’d want to have a pint with, although she’s pregnant so is having to abstain.

She’s spoken about being the second ever head of government to give birth in office (after Benazir Bhutto), but not wanting to be known just for that.

She once did a stint as a DJ and was starstruck when she had tea with Ed Sheeran — she made him scones and was relieved they didn’t burn.

Ardern and Theresa May have a mutual respect — long live this new Kiwi-UK nexus.

Now dating is all about opportunity

What constitutes a date is often unclear. There was the occasion I bought a skirt for what I thought was a romantic liaison, only to find the object of my affections had brought his sister. He thought we could all be friends. Then there was the time I was so sure I was going on a platonic trip to the pub that I didn’t wash my hair, only to end up in a long-term relationship.

Internet dating sees the entrepreneurial combine affairs of the heart with self-promotion. A friend matched with a man on Happn and he invited her to a gig — his own. It didn’t end happily ever after but she had to admire his chutzpah.