'I don't know what the f*** I am. I don't know what it feels like to be a man or a woman'

John Junior was just a child when they first knew something was wrong with their body.

The eight-year-old believed they didn’t fit in with the other boys at school and felt uncomfortable using the urinals.

Knowing they were born into the wrong body, John, who was assigned male at birth, told their mum they wanted to be a girl.

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They endlessly searched for answers online until finally discovering the truth two years later.

Describing his feelings to a doctor ahead of a knee operation, the medic began recognising symptoms of Klinefelter syndrome, also known as XXY syndrome, a rare condition where a boy is born with three sex chromosomes instead of the normal XY for a male or XX for a female.

Tests later confirmed this to be case and John, from Wythenshawe, finally had their answer – but the diagnosis would only trigger the start of a crippling mental health battle.

“I don’t know what the f*** I am,” the 35-year-old, who identifies as gender fluid, told the Manchester Evening News. “I live in limbo constantly. I don’t know what it feels like to be a man or a woman.

“I never felt like I was in the right body. When I was younger, I would wear my mum’s clothes and I felt normal in those.”

Klinefelter syndrome is a genetic condition that affects males and often isn't diagnosed until adulthood.

The syndrome may adversely affect testicular growth, resulting in smaller than normal testicles, which can lead to lower production of testosterone.

Other signs and symptoms may include low sex drive, taller than average height, weak bones, decreased facial and body hair, less muscle compared with other men, enlarged breast tissue and increased belly fat.

Most men with Klinefelter syndrome produce little or no sperm. Because of this, John will never be able to have children.

Despite finally finding out why they felt different, John spent the next few years struggling to figure out who they were and was placed onto hormone therapy.

They began questioning their gender identity at age 14, going on to identify as gender fluid while using they/them pronouns.

It was around this time that they also started self-harming. “That’s a long time of constantly feeling in a dark place,” John said.

“I have a lot of people around me. If I was truly honest, without them, I’d feel alone. I see others getting married and having kids. I’ve not done any of that. I can’t physically do that.”

While John doesn’t wish to receive any gender-affirming surgery, they say they feel more feminine than male and will soon visit a clinic in Leeds for support for their gender dysphoria.

“I was told I’m literally the definition of gender fluid,” John told the MEN. “In the eyes of everyone else, you’re either a man or a woman. Not knowing who I am has led to a lot of trauma.

“I sway more towards the feminine side than the male side. I can be quite camp but I’m not gay. I’m very emotional; I get on with women better. I just don’t get on with men.”

In March 2018, John's mental health hit an all-time low when their dad passed away. John attempted to take their own life three days later after feeling like they no longer had anyone to turn to.

At the time, John weighed 27 stone and had severe depression and anxiety. In August 2019, they were diagnosed with emotional unstable personality disorder, a psychiatric condition which can cause fluctuations in mood and which affects how an individual interacts with and relates to others.

At home, a young John relied on a soft toy for comfort in the shape of a large fluffy duck called Charlie and incorporated the fluffy sidekick into a campaign called the 'John and Charlie's Journey' project as a way to end stigma against mental health, taking the duck with him wherever they went.

Since November, 2019, John and Charlie have travelled across the country and share their personal experiences with mental health in order to help and inspire others.

Inspired by their own journey, John has since become a mental health activist, teaming up with charities including the Samaritans, MIND and Papyrus to educate, raises awareness and break the stigma surrounding poor mental health.