The do's and don'ts of double bubble etiquette

The “double bubble” — it sounds more like a piece of 1980s confectionery, than a piece of government legislation. But sure enough, plans are afoot for a new phase of lockdown, in which the Government imagines it will be possible for people to pick just one other household to socialise with: a plan that could only have been conjured up by a middle aged man with little idea of how real people live.

The new strategy — reportedly being drawn up as we speak, with an eye on deployment in June — will allow two households to meet up outdoors, under plans to “increase social contact” after three long months of restrictions. Other countries have tried it: in Belgium it was floated (and quickly swept under the carpet), in New Zealand, lockdown restrictions allow you to have a small group of friends and family you can interact with, and gatherings of up to 10 at a time.

Here, the rules will, it is thought, stipulate you could enjoy a picnic in a public space or visit family or friends in a garden. But, and it’s a big but, you can only pick one other group from a separate property to socialise with until lockdown is relaxed further. Cue grannies throughout the land crushed to discover they have been gazumped by their new nemesis, “The Chosen Granny”.

Even if by some miracle you don’t have delicate family dynamics to navigate, picking the members of your lockdown gang is a social minefield. What could be more uncomfortable than confronting the awkward truth that your so-called best friends have chosen another family to pair off with? Double bubbles will inevitably involve some complicated emotional maths: here’s how to work it out.

Big families

In 2020, it should go without saying that families do not fit neatly into a box of two parents, two children, two sets of grandparents. For many, the idea of choosing one grandparent to meet up with will be heart wrenching. How do you tell your beloved mother and stepfather that after three months of not seeing them, you have made the decision to double up with a different set of grandparents?

There is no doubt that this time has been particularly tough on grandparents, and reuniting the generations will be a priority for many families. But in an already fraught period, why make people choose? As anyone who has ever chaired the annual Whose Turn Is It To Host Christmas summit will know, these conversations are never easy. Might the new strategy leave some opting not to choose another household at all, simply in order to avoid upsetting anyone?

• Do: Have a reasonable conversation with those involved - or claim one of the children is ill, in order to avoid making it at all.

• Don’t: Get caught out when your mother-in-law spots you having a picnic with your step-dad in the park.

My parents, or yours?

There has never been a worse time to have harboured 25 years of underlying frustration towards your in-laws. All those years of “Oh you mother is coming to stay for three weeks, is she? How lovely, I’ll just go and get every gift she has ever bought us down from the loft,” are about to catch up with you.

This is another flaw in the great double bubble plan — it could force people to have some deeply uncomfortable conversations about their closest relations. In normal life, we all tend to have one side of the family with whom we have more contact than the other. There are usually sensible reasons for that, but would you ever dream of spelling them out? Not likely. However, if the thought of having to have your in-laws round for regular drinks in the front garden is threatening to tip you over the edge, it might be time to own up.

• Do: Try and work out what will be fairest, based on who you would see most anyway.

• Don’t: Crack a mother-in-law joke, unless you want to be evicted from your own bubble.

Divided circles

Whose friends do you choose: yours, or your husband’s? Women are often in the driving seat when it comes to couples’ social lives - but that doesn’t mean he’ll be willing to lift lockdown for friends who have always been more yours than his. If you’re used to socialising with your own friends, rather than shared ones, picking family over either of them may well be easiest.

• Do: Give serious thought to how much you’ll enjoy meeting up as a four, rather than you and friend squirming as your husbands make awkward chitchat.

• Don’t: Take the opportunity to tell your partner why your friends are better than his. Or that, decades later, your parents still baulk at *that* best man’s speech.

Child’s play

Choosing another family to pair up with will require some consideration as to the various ages and stages of everyone’s children. Rest assured, your 15-year-old daughter who is desperate to see her mates will never forgive you if you choose the neighbours with an 11 year old and a toddler. But finding a family with good age compatibility across the generational divide is no mean feat, especially when they also need to live close enough that you can feasibly meet up regularly.

• Do: Hope your children are willing to reverse their formerly unfavourable opinions of Julie from no 38’s kids.

• Don’t: Forget that the bubble is important for you, too. Even if the slightly uptight school mum’s children are the same age as your own, it’s (probably) not worth it.

Mingling while single

As is so often the case, the forgotten category is anyone who lives alone. There are very few options for single households - whether you don’t have a partner, or just live apart from them other than to pair up with family, or find another single person household to bring into your bubble (how to then navigate picking just one person, without offending anyone, is another social minefield entirely).

If there is to be a limit on the number of people allowed in the double bubble, shouldn’t single people be permitted more than one other household in theirs?

• Do: Tell anyone who asks that the nine friends you have invited to your double bubble all live in the same household.

• Don’t: Bubble up with someone just on the grounds that they are single, too. Yes, there may be common ground, but swapping dating stories will be limited for the forseeable, so likely not worth it.

Read more:  For flatsharers like me, the 'Double Bubble' concept is a nightmare in waiting