Edinburgh Fringe's funniest joke award goes to comic Mark Simmons

Jackie Grant
·3-min read

This year’s best Fringe joke has been won by a comedian who hit the big time after his pal persuaded him to do an open mic night. Englishman Mark Simmons claimed the coveted honour of U&Dave’s Funniest Joke At The Fringe for the first time since kicking off his solo Edinburgh Fringe journey in 2014.

The comic, who previously worked in a gym, scooped the award with the gag: “I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it”.

Speaking about his joke claiming the top spot, Mark said: “I’m really chuffed to win Dave’s Funniest Joke of the Fringe. I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers, can’t understand it, I always gave 110%.”

Comedy critics attended hundreds of shows across the Edinburgh Festival Fringe to create a shortlist which was voted on by 2,000 members of the public.

To ensure there is no bias towards well-known or ‘household name’ comedians during the public vote, the jokes are listed with no reference to the comedian that wrote and performed them – meaning it is purely judged on the humour of the jokes themselves.

Now in its 15th year, previous winners of the award include Ken Cheng, Olaf Falafel, Tim Vine, Rob Auton, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons and Nick Helm.

Dave channel director Cherie Cunningham said: “We are ecstatic to announce this year’s winner of U&Dave’s Joke of the Fringe, Mark Simmons, and their winning joke. This year’s Top 15 list features a hilarious blend of jokes that are sure to keep us laughing until the next Joke of the Fringe!

“With the Joke of the Fringe now in its fifteenth year, U&Dave is still committed to supporting great comedy and brilliant gags.”

Edinburgh Fringe is running until next Saturday, August 24.

Top 15 Edinburgh Fringe jokes 2024:

  1. I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it. - Mark Simmons

  2. I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward... two steps back. - Alec Snook

  3. Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. - Alex Kitson

  4. I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. - Arthur Smith

  5. I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.- Mark Simmons

  6. My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres” – which, I think, speaks volumes - Olaf Falafel

  7. British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? - Chelsea Birkby

  8. I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it. - Masai Graham

  9. My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had - Zoë Coombs Marr

  10. The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. - Olaf Falafel

  11. I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. - Sarah Keyworth

  12. I’ve got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I’d never bought her that vineyard - Roger Swift

  13. Gay people are very bad at maths. We don’t naturally multiply. - Lou Wall

  14. Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher - Sophie Duker

  15. Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1% of people - Olga Koch

Don't miss the latest news from around Scotland and beyond. Sign up to our daily newsletter.

Latest stories