Euro HOT or NOT: Rashford, Hodgson, Rooney, England

What’s sexy, and what isn’t sexy, in the England team this week…

HOT

Marcus Rashford
England’s best player against Iceland, Rashford had the opposition defence extremely worried in the seven minutes he was on the pitch. And although that sounds like a joke sentence, it’s perfectly true. Rashford’s couple of late, piercing runs towards the box were about as exciting as England’s display got. Perhaps the naivety of youth meant the Manchester United forward was not burdened with the same leaden-footed fear as his team-mates. Given that Rashford’s only other display in France was a game-changing cameo against Wales, you could probably make a strong case for him being England’s player of the tournament. Credit to Roy Hodgson for getting him on the plane Eurostar. Well done Roy!!

Adam Lallana
It says a lot that England’s tournament has ended with the fans clamouring to see more of Adam Lallana. Mainly, it says a lot about how bad England are - because let’s be clear, Lallana is no Lionel Messi - but it also says a lot about the progress the midfielder has made. To most observers he was one of England’s better players in the group stages, and also provides the kind of creativity that was sorely lacking in Nice. Would he have made the difference against Iceland? Quite possibly not. In which case, he probably dodged a bullet by being dropped. He’s never been loved by England fans, but Lallana returns from France as one of the good guys.

Jack Butland
The players to emerge with most credit from the inarguable shambles that was England’s Euro 2016 campaign were the ones who did not play at all. Or better still, the ones who weren’t even there. Mark Noble - he’s brilliant now. Danny Drinkwater too. Andy Carroll is definitely better than Harry Kane. And what about Gazza? He could have done a decent job in midfield. But the man who may have most to gain from England’s capitulation is Stoke City goalkeeper Butland, the heir apparent to Joe Hart - whose two unforgivable mistakes in France may amount to a grisly abdication from the number one spot.

NOT

Roy Hodgson
“Where do we start?” is the main question in this section of ‘HOT or NOT’, and there can be only one place. England’s players must take much of the blame for the defeat to Iceland, but the fact they performed so far below their abilities indicates there must have been a higher force at work. Maybe it was God, or the EU, or an Icelandic witch doctor. But without any evidence of these things, we must assume that it was mainly the manager’s fault. Dodgy goalkeeper, terrified defence, unimaginative midfield, toothless strikers, Jack Wilshere. You could spend months picking apart every aspect England’s performance in Nice without finding anything good. Somehow, Hodgson’s instructions had the exact opposite effect of their intention and took the national team to its painful nadir. We don’t know exactly how he did it, and right now we’re not sure we want to know.

Wayne Rooney
Like Hodgson, as the team’s senior figure Rooney must take much of the blame for its failure. It is no secret that the record-breaking former striker lacks the natural leadership qualities of some of his predecessors as captain, but it didn’t help that he also chose this moment to give his worst ever display on a football pitch. Perhaps even the worst display ever on a football pitch. In Nice, the ball itself took the form of Rooney’s mortal enemy - thwarting him at every turn, as if somehow surprising him by its round shape and leathery texture. This tragic scene evoked a sense of grim, hopeless ineptitude that undoubtedly transmitted itself to the team-mates who were looking to Rooney for inspiration. Nice penalty though.

England
Is it really worth picking on any other England players? Kane, Alli, Walker, it doesn’t matter - we could put anyone on the hit list. Maybe it’s worth looking a bit deeper instead. Because the ironic timing of England’s most dismal display in Europe wouldn’t have escaped anyone’s attention. The national football team has long served as an uncannily apposite metaphor for the misguided superiority complex of an entire nation. England is the team that thinks it’s better than it is, and is perennially surprised when it loses to a “lesser” opponent. England is the country that prides itself on having the “best league in the world” without acknowledging that its strength is derived almost entirely from immigration. Last week, England was the country that felt confident enough in its own superiority to go it alone. This defeat was a timely reminder that the English still have a lot to learn.

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