Eurovision 2017: The best parties and where to watch in London

After 62 years, the Eurovision Song Contest remains as wonderfully ridiculous as ever.

The annual chance for countries to show their utter contempt for each other through the pointless scoring of fairly dreadful songs is taking place this Saturday May 13, at 8pm.

Despite jiggery-pokery with the scoring a couple of years ago, Britain naturally haven’t a hope of winning: our odds are presently 50/1. The best we can do is to party like hell and hope for the occasional sympathy point. Forget not mentioning the war, just sure as hell shut up about Brexit. However it goes, there are plenty of Euro-tastic happenings if you want to get out and enjoy the debacle – sorry, spectacle.

1. Eurovision Party London

This one started last year, but it proved an immediate hit, so expect more and bigger and better this time around. They’re boasting of ‘Eurotastic cocktails and food’, served from 6pm, but be sure to get there for 7pm, when the karaoke battle which kicks off from 7. By 8, there’ll be a champion crowned, probably a roaringly happy crowd too, and the screens will show the real thing. It’s incredibly central, between Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square, so you won’t be short of places to go out to afterwards, either, but there’s no real need: they have a DJ spinning classic Eurovision hits until 3am. Tickets £7.

Info: Luxe Club, 1 Shavers Place, W1D 7AE, eurovisionpartylondon.com

2. The Water Poet

The Water Poet call their Eurovision parties “epic” and you can’t fault their efforts: this jolly decent Spitalfields pub are laying on plenty of pre-drinks, going in hard on a 70s theme with glitter balls and fancy dress thoroughly encouraged. It’s well worth making an effort with your costume, too: the best dressed wins a big ol’ bar tab. Food matches the theme too, with Chicken Kiev on the menu (clever), and they’re promising a party that goes on well past the screening on TV. And did we mention the nine screens you can watch it all on?

Info: 9-11 Folgate St, E1 6BX, waterpoet.co.uk

3. Nordic Bar

Nordic is a wonderfully trashy Scandi-themed bar, so there's a good chance you'll find groups of gorgeous people cheering on Sweden, who won a couple of years ago. They’ll be showing the competition across three big screens. They're open late on Saturdays, so stick around afterwards to dance. Get there before 7.30pm and it’s £5 entry, £7 afterwards. Ticket price includes entry and a drink. Bargain.

Info: 25 Newman Street, W1T 1PN, nordicbar.com

4. Ku Klub

Chinatown’s Ku Klub will be showing Eurovision in all its glory on the big screen. It’s an annual thing here, and top drag act Lady Lloyd (who’s been a catwalk model for Vivienne Westwood, no less) will once again be on hosting duty. Bring your A-game, come to dance and enjoy celebrations on three floors of this much-loved bar.

Info: 30 Lisle Street, WC2H 7BA, ku-bar.co.uk

5. She

She, Ku Klub’s sister bar, are also screening all the action from Kiev. This LBTQ+ venue, which dubs itself ‘the only women-priority venue in London’, is well known for a fun night out, and drinks that aren’t too hideously priced, so stick around afterwards for a good night.

Info: 23a Old Compton St, W1D 5JL, she-soho.com

6. The Phoenix Artist Club

Always very, very popular this one, so you’ll be lucky to get a ticket. This bohemian underground haunt, which is something of a favourite with theatre and media types, promises the screening, a live cabaret, a themed menu, a quiz (with Champagne prizes) and later on, a DJ. The £12 ticket includes a glass of fizz to cheer on the winner.

Info: 1 Phoenix Street, WC2H 8BU, phoenixartistclub.com

7. Bethnal Green Working Men's Club

The beloved Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club go all out for their parties – and especially when it comes to Eurovision. Kicking off at 6pm, their Eurodisco includes free Buck’s Fizz for the first 100 guests to arrive, and they want everyone to turn up in costume. The hosts will be channeling their inner Wogan with suitably withering commentary and they’re planning to drown out the boring bits with party games and live acts too. By the way, if the UK score a 12 (fat chance), everyone gets a free shot. Dodgy dancing well and truly encouraged. A proper, trashy Eurovision knees up.

Info: 42 Pollard Row, E2 6NB, workersplaytime.net