How it felt to postpone my wedding because of coronavirus

From Harper's BAZAAR

Postponing my wedding was one of the most disappointing decisions I’ve ever been forced to make. It was exactly one week ago that my fiancé and I sent an update to all of our guests informing them of our news, and this coming weekend is what would have been my hen-do.

Before this, we were faced with a stream of phone calls, texts and WhatsApps making the impending uncertainty that much harder, but understandable… our guests all wanted to know if “our big day” would still go ahead. Eventually, we decided to call our venue to ask if changing the date would even be a possibility, and we were certainly worried about the financial implications of what that would entail given that most of our deposits had already been paid. Venues are usually the biggest expenditure when it comes to nuptials; according to Bridebook's 2020 UK Wedding Report, couples spend an average of £6,286 on their venues.

We had purchased wedding insurance, but having called our insurers they informed us that it did not cover “force majeure” (unforeseeable circumstances that prevent someone from fulfilling a contract) which is what this pandemic could qualify as. A report by Datamonitor suggested that only 25% of couples currently take out insurance cover for their big day meaning that a staggering three quarters of all weddings have no financial protection.

After speaking to the venue, we were informed that not only was it possible, it was the only way we could still have a wedding. Couples with weddings as far in the calendar as July and August had already called in advance to change theirs. From then on, we realised our dream date of May 30th was looking less and less likely. We then decided that postponing was our best route.

First, we asked the venue to suggest a future available date for us. This was now nearly impossible as the company had a backlog of over five months of brides and grooms from April, May, June, July and August requesting the same. Finally, we managed to secure a new date in September.

We were one of the lucky couples - our venue allowed us to change the date and postpone. Many others have not been so fortunate and have decided to cancel completely. I spoke to fellow "Corona Bride" Paula Anton, founder of Cultural Influence Limited who explained why she felt as though she had to cancel hers. "We decided to cancel for a few reasons - the uncertainty of whether it would be able to happen in the way we wanted it to, uncertainty as to whether all out guests would be able to come and also uncertainty of what might happen to our businesses due to Covid-19," she said. "The idea of continuing to plan a wedding that may not happen is really depressing."

Once we had the provisional September date, we contacted our nearest and dearest. It turns out that changing a date isn’t as simple as we thought it would be... almost every date in September was impossible for our close friends. We would either have to choose between having a bridesmaid there or not, or have my fiancé lose a groomsmen, so we called back, to see if any other dates were available. This whole process happened a further few times. We also had more than 10 different suppliers whom needed to be aligned with the new dates. My bridesmaids were all attending other weddings where they themselves were bridesmaids (note to self: get less popular friends) so they couldn’t cancel on those weddings to attend our new date.

Why not change to next year you might ask? Our engagement has been a year and a half long, so the idea of waiting another year was difficult for us. Our venue would also have understandably charged a considerable fee for this - the owners couldn't afford for all their potential revenue for this year to back out, should all the couples with weddings scheduled for this year do the same. They need to protect themselves.

We finally found a new date in October where all the key players seemed to be able to make it, but it would have to be a Friday not a Saturday. We jumped at the opportunity regardless, and now I feel very grateful to be having a wedding at all.

Why am I sharing this story? I’m not sure. For two weeks, it was hard to talk about my wedding without crying and then I feel so guilty even talking about this situation, knowing that there are people with much bigger uncertainties and problems in the world; exhausted key workers risking their own lives for the safety of others, then there's bereavements, families torn apart for months, job losses, financial uncertainty and more... all far worse outcomes of this virus.

At first, I didn’t even want to share with my friends that I was upset, or answer their phone calls. I wanted my wedding to be a source of joy, not the subject of sympathetic conversations. And, as aforementioned, I felt extremely guilty for even feeling sorry for myself in light of such dark and uncertain times.

It was only when I started hearing about other brides, friends of friends, going through the same situation that I realised that the sadness about my wedding was shared equally by thousands of brides who won’t get their special day on the day they planned in the way they wanted. In Spain alone, 21,000 weddings have been cancelled in April and May. It’s a nuptial season rife with disappointment and the wedding industry itself is in turmoil, with venues, florists, caterers, musicians and more operating at huge losses.

It's important to acknowledge the disappointment that comes with postponing or cancelling a wedding and to feel low without judging yourself. There's no point in ignoring how you feel. We're in the middle of a global pandemic, which is unnerving and overwhelming as it is. Of course you'll feel frustrated and downhearted by rescheduling and replanning an event that requires as much headspace and time as your wedding day. Saying you feel disappointed about postponing your wedding doesn't mean you don't care about others experiencing difficulties because of the pandemic. There is space for both.

This is a difficult time for many brides, so I thought I’d pass on a few words of advice in case you are postponing your wedding, from someone who has been through it.

• Make a list of the 10 people (on each side) that you absolutely can’t have the wedding without. Once you have a few new dates from the venue, text these friends and make sure they can all make it (don’t do what I did and assume that everyone could make a date as you will end up missing a close friend and the saga will repeat itself.)

• Try to find a new date after August, registry offices are closed until further notice, and many have already said that they will keep to a limit of 3-5 people until the end of August 2020.

• Contact your main suppliers. For us, these were wedding venue, band, florists, and the church.

• Contact your make-up artist, I’ve found they get booked up extremely quickly.

• Read through your contracts, anything you have signed already or are planning to sign. We managed to renegotiate the force majeure in our contract with the venue in case the situation is still ongoing in October.

• Read through your wedding insurance if you have it. You may be able to get compensation with your plan.

• If you are having flower girls or page boys think about whether or not the outfits will fit the little ones on the new date, as children grow out of their clothing very quickly.

• Send an update - there's no need to redo printed invitations, your guests won't mind. I’d recommend a paperless post update, so you can check who has received an email - the system updates you with who has opened the message.

• Check with hotels, any hotels you may have booked for yourself or you guests to see if they can cancel or move the date to later. A phone call will do well in this situation, we’ve found the human touch has helped people sympathise with our situation and allowed for slightly more flexibility.

• Celebrate the day anyway, make a plan for a film night or a romantic evening as a couple on your original wedding date.

• Use the extra time. Were you worried about those last minute finishing touches? Relish the time to be able to perfect your wedding if you are able to postpone.

• Remember you’re allowed to feel a little bit sorry for yourself and you’re allowed to cry. Take a deep breath and remember all us “Corona brides” are in this together.
  
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