You’ve heard of bears, otters and cubs. Now, a TikToker has suggested a slew of hilarious gay animals to add to the LGBT+ lexicon.
The bearded TikToker began the video armed with a voice reminiscent of a mid-Atlantic newsreel, a deadpan expression and a slideshow filled with brand new creatures to add to the queer animal kingdom dictionary.
He started strong with perhaps the most approachable suggestion – a stoat, which is a small orangey-brown predatory mammal. Greg likened the animal, which is related to otters and weasels, to “small and stinky” gay men – which really paints a picture in the mind.
He then went really left-field, veering away from fuzzy mammals to discuss the colourful amphibian, the newt, which he said represents someone who looks “fun and cute but can be toxic”.
Greg continued his queer critter presentation with a choice reminiscent of Sir Ian McKellen or George Takei.
“Eagle – an old, wise gay who could tear you apart if he wanted to,” Greg explained.
He suggested shy gays with a “thick shell” but are vulnerable and might “die” when they are “out of their shell” should be known as turtles.
The list also included groundhogs, who stand for gays for which “coming out is the most interesting thing they’ll ever do”; the bat clique of identical-looking people who are “blamed for all the community’s problems”; and dolphins who are just “sluts”.
“Meerkat, an anxious, sassy gay who’s always looking around at everyone else instead of paying attention to conversations,” Greg added – which ouch, hits close to home.
The TikToker ended the presentation by delcaring that twinks are “foxes now”. So all the twinks can update their dating bios should they choose to do so.
“Fox – the twink’s tired of being called a slang for a British prostitute so we’re just going to give them an animal,” Greg said. “So twinks are foxes now. Let’s just get on board with that.”
The hilarious video has garnered a whopping 1.4 million views on TikTok and hundreds of thousands of likes. TikTok users flooded the comments section to weigh in on the veritable menageries of new labels.
“I’m alarmed that these feel both reasonable and accurate,” one person wrote.
Others commented that they liked the new “DLC” and “software updates” that Greg gave the gay community.