Frankie Bridge Bravely Shares New Details of Her 2011 Stay in a Psychiatric Hospital

From Women's Health

Former The Saturday's singer Frankie Bridge has spoken candidly about her issues with severe depression in the past, including to Women's Health.

And now, in her forthcoming memoir, Open: Why Asking For Help Can Save Your Life, out February 6, she digs deeper into a time in which she was hospitalised in a bid to deal with her mental illness, as well the effect that her on-going battle has on her relationship with footballer husband, Wayne.

If you're struggling with your mental health, call the Mind helpline 0300 123 3393

In an extract from the book, published in the Daily Mail, the 31-year-old reflects on her decision, on the advice of her psychiatrist, to admit herself to psychiatric facility the Nightingale Hospital in London in September 2011.

'Around the time we shot that video [for the single My Heart Takes Over] I’d hit rock bottom. My list of symptoms made sober reading. I had uncontrollable panic attacks and paralysing negative thoughts about anything and everything. I had trouble sleeping, lacked energy and had lost my appetite and my libido. I couldn’t do anything without help and was unable to function in everyday life. Fundamentally, I couldn’t see the point of living any more.'

'As soon as I got there [to the hospital] doctors put me on new medication — venlafaxine, clonazepam and diphenhydramine sleeping tablets in such high doses my first few days in hospital are a blur.

'I spent most of them asleep, but that was fine. I hadn’t had a good night’s rest for so long, it was a relief to silence my mind so it could just switch off. It was all I wanted, not to think, not to be inside my own brain, locked in my own painful internal battle.'

She goes on to detail how spending time with the other patients was 'amazing'.

'There were so many people who had experienced the same feelings as me, if not worse, that I felt understood and not so alone. I no longer had to hide, cover up and lie about how I was,' she writes.

While the doctors recommended three months in the hospital, Frankie ended up leaving after four, due to commitments with the band: which she now says was 'too early.'

Frankie's psychiatrist has concluded that she has treatment-resistant depression. This means that she responds to medication initially, but that it becomes less effective with time.

'In all, I’ve tried more than ten different forms of antidepressant, anti-anxiety meds and tranquillisers. I continue to spend hours of my life in therapy because I believe the two should always go hand in hand,' she shares.

These are life-saving – but also come with serious side effects. 'Typically, they result in headaches, nausea, tiredness, low — or no — libido, a horrendously dry mouth, weight gain, constipation and, most embarrassing of all, involuntary muscle spasms,' she adds.

'Day-to-day life with anxiety and depression is hard enough already, so these horrible extras don’t make things any easier. The dry mouth makes singing and TV work more difficult, the weight gain contributes to my depression and anxiety, and my low libido has been a recurring issue in my relationship. I totally understand why — joined with my self-loathing and low confidence, it’s not the sexiest combination.

'It must be very difficult for Wayne to accept that my lack of interest in sex is because of my medication and has nothing to do with my feelings for him, or how much I am attracted to him.

'And yet the medication also makes my life liveable and manageable. I still have my ups and downs, my good and bad days, but it stops me from slipping back into that deep dark hole.

In 2018, Frankie spoke to WH about her mental health issues, for our annual Strong Mind issue. Here, she looked back at the time in 2011 when she accepted how bad things had become.

Here's what happened.

Frankie Bridge speaks to WH about mental health

'I was putting everything into trying to convince everyone I was me. Before entering a room, I’d take a deep breath and say to myself: “How would Frankie from The Saturdays behave?” I’d be louder, bubblier, happier,' she says.

'Then one day, in October 2011, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably when my boyfriend [now husband], Wayne, bought the wrong yoghurt. I felt sure it meant he didn’t know who I was. I’d found the man I wanted to have children with, but I felt like I couldn’t become a mum until I was well.'

Following her doctor’s advice, Frankie checked into hospital. 'I had visions of padded rooms and locked doors, but I felt at home there. Chatting to other men and women on my ward, I realised I wasn’t alone.

'When I fell pregnant in 2013, I wanted to come off my medication. But my doctor said, “You won’t be able to be a mum to your newborn child if you’re in hospital.” He was right and I continued taking them through pregnancy.

I have treatment-resistant depression and I need to take medication to rebalance my brain chemistry – just like someone with asthma needs theirs. I haven’t had a panic attack for a year. Yes, I still have bad days but they don’t last as long as they used to.'

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