Like Freddie Flintoff, I am a man who has lived with bulimia. It’s time we stop gendering this life-threatening illness

It’s not right, is it? I know it’s not right,” says Freddie Flintoff as he describes his 20-year battle with bulimia in the BBC1 documentary Freddie Flintoff: Living with Bulimia, which aired last night.

These words, spoken by the visibly uncomfortable sportsman, will have been interpreted by many people in many ways. For me, though, they immediately mean one thing: that according to societal norms, it still isn’t “right” for a man to suffer from an eating disorder.

While I can’t say the cricketing legend and I have a whole lot in common that I’m aware of, the internal struggle of accepting that you are a man struggling with an illness that is largely - and erroneously - perceived to be something only women suffer from, is one we have both endured.

Being diagnosed with bulimia and anorexia at the age of 19 was terrifying. I remember almost throwing up when the doctor said it - I felt relieved to finally understand what was going on but confused about what was to come. To be a version of fine one minute and then to be told you’re on a road to psychological and physical self-destruction the next, is an unconscionably hard truth to stomach. Especially when that road is one on which a person dies every 52 minutes.

What made it 10 times worse, though, was the immediate gender bias I was faced with. After being referred to my university’s counselling service, a seemingly nice middle-aged woman sat me down and said: “It's hard for me to advise the right stuff for you to read - this is a disorder women struggle with so the literature is aimed at women.” And my next therapist, after months of one-on-one sessions, went to great lengths to explain that I was “odd” because I was struggling with “a woman’s disease”.

Those words stung, like I’d dipped an open wound into the sea. “A woman’s disease.” Not only was I being told hospitalisation and/or an early death were likely, on top of that I was supposedly less of a man for getting myself into this mess. At the time I was too tired, too ill I suppose, to question that counsellor or think about how ignorant that was - the idea that any illness can be female or male. Luckily, I’m not that tired anymore.

The truth is, gendered illness does not exist. Would you classify someone’s bipolar as male? Or someone’s tumour as gender fluid? Bulimia, like every disorder there is, knows no gender boundaries - it doesn’t discriminate based on whether you’ve got a penis or a vagina, or whether you’re straight or gay (another common misconception of eating disorders) - Flintoff and I, two heterosexual men, are living and breathing proof of that.

What’s more, all of the available scientific data proves that males - all the way from young boys up to middle-aged men - make up a large proportion of those affected by eating disorders. According to Eating Disorder Hope, 15 per cent of people diagnosed with bulimia and anorexia around the world every year are men, and bulimia is actually a lot more common in men than anorexia. As well as this, the National Centre for Eating Disorders’ website states that 50 per cent of cases among children are boys.

So why is the language and literature of eating disorders still so ingrained in femininity? The answer’s simple: it’s a systemic force of habit. If two senior professionals, supposedly in their positions of power to help people, could so flippantly build a barrier between me and recovery based on my anatomy - I genuinely fear the number of other men who’ve experienced the same thing. Because, and it goes without saying, experiences like mine are the reason men like Flintoff choose to keep their eating disorders hidden for two decades rather than speak out and ask for help.

Slowly more men are opening up about their disordered eating habits. Christopher Ecclestone and the comedian Dave Chawner are just a few notable examples of this. Certainly since I was first diagnosed in 2015, there are more case studies and resources available to reassure men that if you’re struggling with bulimia or any other kind of eating disorder, you are not less of a man. You are simply a person who needs help. That reassurance would’ve changed my life, I’m sure of it.

But there’s still so much to be done in the field of male eating disorders and the first is this: to de-gender any and all language and literature relating to eating disorders. That way, anyone, sporting stars like Flintoff and guys like me included, will feel they can quickly speak up without being belittled for suffering from a “woman's disease” - a phrase which, let’s be honest, is as big of an insult to women as it is to men.

Freddie Flintoff: Living with Bulimia is available to watch on BBC iPlayer now.

If you have been impacted by the issues raised in this article, you can contact charity Beat for support regarding eating disorders, via their helpline: 0808 801 0677, the studentline on 0808 801 0811 and the youthline on 0808 801 0711.

The helplines are open every day from 12pm to 8pm during the week and from 4pm to 8pm on weekends and bank holidays.

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