Frozen grannies cut no ice with Labour’s nodding-dog chorus
PMQs did not begin auspiciously. A gangly windbag arose from the Labour benches and began a tedious speech. Sir Lindsay Hoyle soon tired of waiting for the actual question and told the new MP, Torsten Bell of Swansea West – who is presumably part of Labour’s constellation of “rising stars” – to un-rise and sit down. The deflation was tangible; the windbag had become a decade-old crisp packet. Bell muttered mutinously at the Speaker, looking apoplectic with rage.
Things didn’t get much better. Inevitably, Rishi Sunak brought up the frozen granny in the room, claiming that the winter fuel cut was a political decision rather than an economic one. Sir Keir Starmer fulminated and fumed. There are no prizes for guessing his line: it was the fault of the Tories! Even his own MPs – inboxes doubtless full of not particularly complimentary emails from the over-65s – looked a little glum. The windbag was no longer alone in his deflation.
Labour backbenchers had evidently been drilled to avoid any hint of gloating after their “win” on Tuesday. Some managed solemnity more than others; ministers Peter Kyle and Ellie Reeves sniggered their way through several questions from disgruntled opposition MPs. Meanwhile, Rachel Reeves, swaddled in an oversized scarf to fight the Commons chills, grimaced whenever she was invoked. Perhaps the ice was emanating from her: Jadis with a bob cut.
Would the PM publish his Government’s assessment of the impact on pensioners, asked Sunak. Starmer pursued an evergreen line of argument – “Not me, guv”. He gestured across the dispatch box at Sunak; “He’s the one that’s taking money away from pensioners on £13,000!” Once again, Sir Keir seems determined to claim he is running Schrödinger’s government, both in power (and with a big majority, in case they hadn’t mentioned it…) but also totally powerless.
An irate Louie French, of Bexley and Sidcup, asked about the possibility of cuts to pensioners’ bus passes – “Yes or No”. He was to be disappointed. Asking for a “yes or no” answer from Starmer makes extracting blood from a stone look positively easy: Sir Keir’s answers are more like squeezing pus from concrete.
In lieu of information, he deployed Old Faithful lines: “14 years!”, “£22 billion black hole”, along with a new favourite – “I am not going to pre-empt the Budget”. Yet every wriggle, however inelegant, drew cheers from the great nodding-dog chorus of Labour backbenchers. Ducking the question isn’t hard under these circumstances.
The obvious second topic was the early release of prisoners and the popping of champagne corks outside HMP Wandsworth. However, perhaps fearing this question would rebound on his own party, Sunak abruptly veered on to the countryside and food security.
This being British farming week, a number of MPs were wearing wheatsheaves as badges, giving them the faint look of would-be sacrificial victims in The Wicker Man. Given Labour’s treatment of the countryside, that immolation inside a giant straw statue may be on the friendlier side of the potential reactions their MPs will soon receive in some rural areas.
Looking momentarily flummoxed, Starmer said the countryside was very important to him and that Labour was happy to work with farmers across the country, which is big of them.
It was left to Nigel Farage to ask about two-tier policing, the wisdom of convicting people for saying “unpleasant things on Facebook” while releasing career criminals and sex offenders early. The Labour faithful finally perked up; “Shame! Shame!” they cried, evidently back in their comfort zone. Their relief was palpable: branding everyone “far-Right” is much more fun than being labelled a granny-killer.
It might be easy for them to howl like gleeful macaques at such issues but the problem with not answering difficult questions is that they don’t actually go away.