Matt Benedetto, a gay man based in Burlington Vermont, US, unveiled his latest invention for a “problem that doesn’t exist” – a “hot dog privacy screen” for straight men who feel self-conscious while chowing down on a wiener.
Wearing a t-shirt of Joe Exotic, Benedetto revealed the mock gizmo on his Twitter account, Unnecessary Inventions, in a video which has netted more than 1.4 million views and a lot of exasperated LGBT+ people, who have really had it with heterosexual nonsense.
Indeed, straight men having problems with eating hot dogs in fear of being labelled gay is well and truly the tip of the heterosexual iceberg. Straight men struggle using emojis, recycling, seeing sunsets, sitting in comfortable chairs – all they see as apparent threats to their sturdy, cast iron masculinity.
I invented the Glizzy Gripper. A hot dog holder with a privacy screen for people who don't like to be watched while they eat their wieners. Seconds anyone?! pic.twitter.com/ncEsZbRZwD
— Unnecessary Inventions (@mattyxb) October 1, 2020
And not even the literal threat of humanity’s demise has stopped straight men being straight men – they even refuse to wear face masks.
Pretty much everyone mocks ‘hot dog privacy screen’ clearly marketed towards straight men and straight men only.
So, as the unveiling of the “Grizzy Gripper” rippled across social media, you can absolutely bet that everyone cracked the same joke.
Imagine being so fragile in your masculinity that you can’t even eat a sandwich in public properly https://t.co/bhwg6MADVp
— ❍ (@dumptruckwagon) October 2, 2020
fellas, is it gay to consume sustenance? https://t.co/TvRwxHo7Py
— alex (@alex_abads) October 1, 2020
That little lick at the beginning pic.twitter.com/wOeeTmmPy8
— 𝕹𝖎𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖊 🔞 🌹♏🏳️⚧️ (@NyaVixa) October 2, 2020
What in holy toxic masculinity hell is this 😂😂😂😂
— Skipper (@BuffyWunder_) October 1, 2020
Benedetto later uploaded a video on TikTok in which he pretends to sell people the Grizzy Gripper and honestly, it really does sound like something sold on those kinds of odd online outlets that sell things such as “MAN tissues” or customisable beer bottles would stock.
— Unnecessary Inventions (@mattyxb) October 2, 2020
“Are you too self-conscious to eat a hot dog in public?” he joked, “then this invention is perfect for you.
“All you have to is put a hotdog inside of this holder and then it perfectly blocks the hotdog as you eat it.”
But, alas, for any straight men reading this, you can’t actually buy the product at the time of writing.
Benedetto makes the majority of his inventions using 3-D printing methods, many of which he has no intention of manufacturing commercially. A truly devastating blow to the Straight Men’s Rights movement, no doubt.