From ghosting to kittenfishing: a guide to modern dating terms

There’s no doubt that the modern dating world is an utterly terrifying place.

Where once people met, went on a few dates and then laid their cards on the table, now the convenience of smartphones has made the whole ‘finding the one’ process a lot more complicated.

So mystifying is the whole business, that there is now an entire lexicon to denote specific types of recurring dating behaviour to help those experiencing it - the majority of it being, of course, horrendous.

Has your date ever slowly disappeared with no explanation? Did they turn up looking ten years older than their profile picture? Have they failed to ever acknowledge your existence on social media? Well, the good news is that you’re not alone.

There are terms to describe all of these dire dating problems, and a whole lot more that go on in the murky depths of the Tinder messenger box.

Next time you’re rehashing all of the gory date details to your friends and colleagues, consult our fail-safe guide to the modern dating terms to know in 2017 - so you can keep your anecdote short and sweet.

Stashing

Stashing is the newest dating term on the block you’ll want to fear. It generally happens to relationships in their infancy, although the behaviour can continue for months and even years if not addressed. It occurs when the person you’re dating doesn’t introduce you to their friends or family, and doesn’t post about you on social media. If you scroll through your partner's Instagram and there’s not a mote to suggest you’ve exist, I’m afraid you’re probably being stashed - aka hurried through the back door, away from the outside world. Stashers are fickle folk, keeping their options open in case someone better comes along, or their ex - of whom there are conveniently several cheery photographs on their feed - will suddenly decide to take them back.

Slow Fade

The “slow fade” method is a lot like ghosting, but with a pitiful attempt to be slightly less brutal. Slow faders will agree to plans and then drop out at the last second. Their texts become increasingly more vague and clipped as the days go on. They don’t want to look like the bad guy, and yet they are quite obviously not interested in taking things further. Eventually they hope the communication between you will dwindle to the point of nothingness.

Zombie-ing

After initially ghosting you, zombies will resurface (as though back from the dead) with the hopes of reinserting themselves back into your life as though nothing ever happened. They might start by liking an Instagram post here and there. They’ll then start following you on Twitter. Finally, they’ll nonchalantly slide into your DMs with a casual, “hey, how are you?”. Thanks to social media, these undead dates will always be just a click away from re-entering your life - whether you like it or not.

Cuffing Season

September isn’t just the start of the kid’s school year. For adults, it’s also the klaxon sound for cuffing season. That means shacking up with a partner to help you get through the colder months (October to May) when you can’t be bothered to head out in the cold to meet strangers in bars. Crisp country walks, cosy pints in the local pub, rushing home so you can continue your Netflix marathon on the sofa together… cuffing season is a wonderful, if not slightly superficial, way to get through the winter. Of course, it’s all just fun and games. Come summer you’ll be ready to cast off the shackles and get back into the thick of the dating world.

Benching

Much like not being picked for the football team, benchers are relegated to the reserves list. The incredibly romantic idea is that if the you’re waiting as the back-up option should the dater’s first choice pull out for some reason. If you’re the one being benched, look out for a dater who is reluctant to be exclusive. They’re probably benching you until someone better comes along.

Ghosting

One of the best-known buzzwords out there. It’s the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with the person you’re dating, but no longer wish to date. This includes ignoring all messages, calls and other forms of communication. This is all done in the hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave you alone - rather than you having to pick up the phone and do the decent thing of explaining that you’re not longer interested. Many people try to justify ghosting as a way to avoid hurting a person’s feelings, although it often just leaves the ghostee feeling confused and upset.

Kittenfishing

The term is essentially one step on from catfishing - which is when online daters pretend to be someone they’re not. Kittenfishers, on the other hand, use out of date or misleading pictures to lure in potential partners - presenting themselves in an unrealistic light. This can involve anything from Photoshopping away tell-tale wrinkles and saying you’re a few inches taller to selecting pictures from several years ago that look nothing like the present day you. And when it comes to writing a bio, a kittenfisher will deliberately talk up their accomplishments or sparkling personality over the app, in the hopes of bagging a date with a white lie or two.

Breadcrumbing

One of the more recent terms to emerge from the quagmire of internet dating might just be the most horrendous one yet. The term doesn’t describe a fetish for rolling your potential partner in food, but more the act of leading a date on by contacting them intermittently in order to keep them interested. A breadcrumber keeps their metaphorical bird interested by leaving a trail of morsels that may hint at a future meetup, but when questioned on the topic, are stubbornly vague on whether a relationship will actually blossom. Serial breadcrumbers can range from the dater that likes your Instagram posts 53 weeks deep, but never actually gets in touch, to those that regularly text you just to ‘check in’, but fall off the map again after a brief flirtatious conversation.

Single people, beware.