Girl crush alert: We want to be Judge Rosemarie Aquilina when we grow up

If you’re sitting down, please immediately stand up and initiate a roaring round of applause for our country’s newest queen, Judge Rosemarie Aquilina. Justice has never been more rightly served than it was on Wednesday afternoon when Judge Aquilina stared scum straight in the eyes and ordered 175 years behind bars.

We made it a point to name Aquilina twice before uttering the nauseating name of Larry Nassar, who was finally sentenced to life in prison after 150 brave and beautiful women came forward in a seven-day trial to share their stories of sexual assault and abuse at the hands of Nassar, their former gymnastics doctor, who was in many cases forced upon his victims through mandated “appointments.”

Olympians Aly Raisman, Simone Biles, and Gabby Douglas were just a few of the victims who suffered Nassar’s grotesque actions, and Raisman’s emotional and strong testimony was highly publicized and praised.

When a cowardly Nassar requested that the testimonies stop in order to preserve his mental health, the GOAT Aquilina firmly reminded the disgraced doctor, “Spending four or five days listening to them is significantly minor considering the hours of pleasure you had at their expense and ruining their lives.”

The ladies of The Morning Breath simply cannot get enough of the justice-serving titan. “If she’s not on Time Magazine or if she’s not Woman of the Year in some form, it’s very important that she be recognized for the great work that she’s doing,” says co-host Claudia Oshry.

Jackie Oshry concurs: “Discarding his apology was just such a boss move.” The electric chair is also an appropriate form of punishment for Nassar, according to the co-hosts.

We encourage you to go out into the world embodying the spirit of Rosemarie Aquilina, and we’ll leave you with this chilling declaration from the judge to Nassar: “As much as it was my honor and privilege to hear the survivors, it is my honor and privilege to sentence you. Because, sir, you do not deserve to walk outside of a prison ever again. I just signed your death warrant.”

Can we get a mic drop?

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