You Guys All Know This Is Bullsh*t, Right? OK, Good.

From Esquire

This morning, Donald Trump went on Geraldo Rivera’s radio show and announced that a coronavirus vaccine would be available more quickly than health experts are expecting. “Sooner than the end of the year,” he said. “Could be much sooner.”

“Sooner than November 3?” asked Rivera, citing a date that up until recently was certain to be Election Day in the United States of America.

Trump answered “I think in some cases, yes possibly before, but right around that time.”

Our news media responded with the sobriety that is its hallmark.

Now, obviously, when one is on the Geraldo Rivera radio show, one is often too caught up in the moment to slow down, offer proof, or specify sources. Geraldo keeps it clicking along! But I’ve done some research, because I am stuck inside my home, and I have found a citation.

His claim is backed up in the esteemed medical journal I Say The First Thing That Comes Into My Head That I Think Might Get Me Out Of Trouble For The Moment And Then I Quickly Change The Subject, Then Later, When Every Word That I Have Said Turns Out To Have Been A Complete Lie, Which Is Nearly All Of The Time— I Would Say One Hundred Percent Of The Time, But Even I Get A “The” Or An “And” Or A Pause In There That Turns Out To Be Accurate— The World Has Moved Onto Something Else, So I Am Never Held Accountable, It Has Always Been This Way, Every Single Day Of The 74 Years Of The Coddled, Cushioned Life My Dad’s Money Bought, And Not Only Have I Never Experienced Anything That Even Remotely Resembles A Consequence, I Am The Actual President Of The United States Right Now, And Not Only Is There An Entire Party In The American Two Party System Devoted Entirely To Shielding Me From Any Kind Of Responsibility— Even Now, Even During A Pandemic, Even When Millions Of Citizens Of The Wealthiest Country In The History Of The World Are Facing Homelessness And Food Insecurity And We Don’t Have Any Kind Of Plan Besides Standing Around And Being Like: “Hurry Up, I Want To Watch Football Games”— The Other Party Doesn’t Seem Too Fucking Psyched About Holding Me Accountable For Anything In Any Concrete Way Either, And This Doesn’t Even Take Into Account The Absolutely Massive Media Ecosystem That Is Built Around Amplifying My Message Uncritically, And If You Think I Just Mean Fox News And OAN And Whatever Shitbag Corner Of YouTube You Find Ben Shapiro And The Intellectual Harsh Realm Or Whatever In, I Mean CNN And MSNBC Too, I Mean They All Ran Those 2016 Rallies Live And Gave Me Billions Of Dollars’ Worth Of Exposure, And Now Four Years Later It Is So Rare For Anyone To Ask Me A Follow Up Question, Even One As Splendid And Laser-Focused As “Huh?” That It Was Actual Front Page News Just Yesterday That That Jonathan Swan Guy Did It At All, But Here’s The Magical Part, You Guys: Just Stop And Try To Remember A Single Thing I Said In That Interview, It Takes A Minute Right, And You Might Eventually Get To “Charts, Something About Charts” Or “John Lewis Didn’t Come To My Inauguration” But You Also Might Not, Because Look Where We Are, Again We’re On To Something New, And That Jonathan Swan Interview Now Exists In Our Culture As Little More Than Memes Of That Guy’s Face, Like He’s Making A Confused Case About Some Casting News About The Mandalorian Or Some Shit, It’s A Joke Now, Like Mariah Carey Saying “I Don’t Know Her,” Like The Anime Guy Looking At The Butterfly And Being Like “Is This Praxis,” It’s Already Been Ground Into Pure Internet Nonsense, And Again: Folks, That Interview Came Out Maybe 36 Hours Ago, This Is Just The Way It Goes, And Even This Thing, This Claim That I Have Made That I Can Somehow Personally Speed Up The Development Of A Vaccine, And Get It Done Right Around The Time Of The Election That Hasn’t Happened But That I’ve Already Claimed Is The Most Rigged Election In American History, Even This Will Fade By The End Of The Day, This Has Always Been My Life, And Now It’s Yours, And After Five Solid Years On This Ride Surely Someone Somewhere Should Have Developed Another Strategy For Dealing With It Than Just Publishing It Out Into The World As Though It Were Real, As Though You Could Take My Word About My Own Children’s Middle Names Much Less About Science, As Though I Had Not Very Recently Spitballed On Live Television About The Virus-Fighting Possibilities Of Blasting Very Bright Light Up Your Urethra, As Though I Were Not Personally Responsible— Me, Only Me, Me And Nobody Else— For Tens Of Thousands Of Deaths, People’s Friends And Fathers And Grandmas And Neighbors And Nurses And Spouses, But They Have Not And They Will Not And Therefore I Continue To Have No Incentive To Change.

I believe it’s in the journal's September issue, which would be on newsstands in late August but they’re all closed.

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