45 Hilarious Tweets That Sum Up Pregnancy

Other pregnant woman: I like to do yoga and an hour of cardio each day. It helps me appreciate the wonders of what my body is capable of right now

Me: I almost suffocated while trying to put my shoes on this morning

— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) January 24, 2019

I am “someone on twitter told me to be the bigger person and I said I am the bigger person and cried” weeks pregnant

— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 4, 2018

Fact: the last month of pregnancy has 6459 days.

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 17, 2018

Me when I drop something now that I am 34 weeks pregnant. pic.twitter.com/DkTvYMQRLC

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 20, 2017

Him: Is that a maternity top?

Me, at 3 months pregnant: It is!

Him : Are those maternity jeans?

Me, at 6 months pregnant: They are!

Him: Is that a bed sheet?

Me, at 9 months pregnant: NOTHING FITS OKAY!!!

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 28, 2019

Pregnancy: So you're going to be extra tired, and it's really important you get a lot of rest.

Me: Got it, more sleep

Pregnancy: Ha! No.... remember those side effects we talked about? You definitely won't be able to sleep.

— Some Boys' Mother (@someboysmother) May 2, 2019

When I was pregnant I made a joke that I was a grower and a shower and no one laughed

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) September 10, 2020

(I am 6 months pregnant)

Me after ordering my coffee:

Stranger at Starbucks: you know you should be drinking decaf when you’re pregnant.

Me: I’m... not pregnant.

Stranger: (horrified) I am so, so sorry!

And that’s what you get for giving unsolicited advice.

— Jax ⚡️ (@Diamond_Jax) August 2, 2019

Pregnancy brain made me forget the word "cheese" and this is a new level of betrayal.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) July 24, 2020

What’s the weirdest/craziest thing you cried over while pregnant?

1. Someone ate the last string cheese. I sobbed like I was at a funeral.

2. Because I was so grateful to be alive when So You Think You Can Dance existed.

3. Yellow cake

— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) July 11, 2018

A very humbling moment in my life was when I was pregnant and feeling very busty, so I went to a lingerie store and was like “yeah, I don’t even KNOW what cup size I am, because PREGNANCY has made my chest HUGE,” so they measured me and they were like “ma’am you are a 34A”

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) May 27, 2019

What do a toddler, a preschooler and a pregnant lady all have in common?
We all pee our pants in public.

— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) September 29, 2014

Pregnancy hormones make you want to either rip your husband's clothes off or his head off.

There is literally nothing in between.

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) January 6, 2019

At that point in the final stage of pregnancy where after I drop something on the floor I say to myself, “I’ll just pick that up once the baby is here.” 🤰🏼

— Andrea Brooks (@AndreaKBrooks) November 22, 2019

One of the first symptoms of pregnancy is extreme exhaustion and I'm here to tell you it's not so much a symptom, as it is a permanent side effect

— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) January 21, 2020

My friend said ‘Having someone inside of you is so special’ and for a second there I had forgotten she is pregnant 😹

— iCherry 2.0 (@BiKeR626) December 28, 2018

Oh you think I, an adult woman who has already birthed one child, WONT obsessively google “can you be so pregnant you actually explode?” Because I gotta tell you I already did

— amil (@amil) May 24, 2020

Grocery store cashier: "Having a party tonight?" Me: "Nope, just pregnant."

— Jill Krause (@babyrabies) October 23, 2016

Having a cold while being pregnant is like getting a parking ticket while you’re at the dentist.

— Kristen Bell (@KristenBell) August 7, 2014

recently my sister told her 3-year-old son (my nephew) she was pregnant. the way she broke the news was by showing him the ultrasound scan and saying “what do you think this is?”, and he replied, delightfully, “a fossil”

— madeleine holden (@madeleinecholia) September 26, 2019

friend: you’re pregnant! do you know what you’re having?

wife: we think it’s-

me: snakes. we think it’s snakes

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 4, 2019

Being pregnant is the best way to get unwanted advice on literally anything.

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) January 26, 2016

5 Stages of Pregnancy:

1: Crying

2: Peeing

3: Crying because you peed

4: Peeing because you're crying

5: The toilet is your home now

— Sam 🧢 (@SufficientCharm) April 24, 2017

I was reading to my kids today and in the story, there was a pregnant woman.

My 3 year-old asked, "What happened to her belly?"

I replied, "There's a baby in there."

3 was horrified; "She ate a baby?!"

Sensing a good opportunity, I said "Yes."

Sleep well tonight, kid.

— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) October 7, 2019

I am "my husband is breathing onto my side of the bed and now I am googling local support groups for widows" weeks pregnant.

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) April 24, 2019

I'm a pregnant woman with 3 kids whose grocery delivery order was missing half of what I ordered.

Including the ice cream.

Do NOT cross me.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 20, 2020

Me: What would look better with this, tennis shoes or boots?

Husband: It doesn’t really matter, you’re just going to look super pregnant regardless.

Me:

Husband:

Me:

Husband:

Me:

Husband:

Me:

Husband: I am so sorry.

— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) January 26, 2019

You (a liar): pregnancy is a beautiful miracle!

Me (smart and honest): release me from this flesh prison!

— amil (@amil) January 5, 2020

I'm 9m pregnant and was at the eye Dr yesterday. I asked the man next to me what time it was because my eyes were dilating and I couldn't see the clock. The only thing he heard was "dilating" and he instantly jumped and started to panic because he thought I was going into labor.

— Possum Kingdom 🖤 (@aissalanis) February 5, 2019

Omg you’re glowing are you pregnant?

Me: no Karen I’m glowing because I’m pale AF

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) July 12, 2019

When I was pregnant with my oldest son a hairdresser said to me I must be having a girl bc girls steal your beauty and boys make you more beautiful and not only was she wrong she was also a massive cunt

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) January 2, 2020

People when you’re pregnant: Let me hold that door open for you. You’re craving ice cream? Let me make it for you out of my tears.

People after the kid is born: OF COURSE YOU’RE TIRED YOU’RE ALWAYS TIRED I SENT YOUR KID GLITTER PAINT YOUR LIFE IS PAIN NOW

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) August 27, 2020

My wife and I went for a walk and halfway through she got scared that we left the baby at the house. It’s still in her stomach. #PregnancyBrain

— Jeremy McLellan (@JeremyMcLellan) February 28, 2018

In the 9th month of pregnancy you don't have romantic, "I love you" sex.

You have "get this kid out of me before I google home C-section instructions" sex.

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) June 5, 2019

Welcome to pregnancy, you now get winded putting on pants.

— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) March 6, 2020

my wife: im pregnant

me: omg thats great

my wife *embarassed*: but now people will know we had sex

— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) February 22, 2019

Expectant mothers have so much to look forward to. Like being kicked in the ribs from the OUTSIDE.

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) June 21, 2016

Kids do this neat thing where they wreck your body during pregnancy and childbirth, then blatantly insult it from the moment they learn to talk.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 24, 2019

I have reached the bargaining phase of pregnancy.

I have promised the baby a dirt bike if he will just come out in the next 24 hours.

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) June 5, 2019

Me: Spends 3 years trying to get - and stay - pregnant.

Also me: Upon finding out I'm pregnant, immediately begins complaining about pregnancy.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) March 10, 2020

I've reached that point in pregnancy where all the furniture starts to swallow you and you look like a turle on its back trying to get up.

— 3 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) May 26, 2020

The final 4 weeks of pregnancy should have its own label.

1st Trimester
2nd Trimester
3rd Trimester
Rage Month

— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) June 5, 2019

“I’m pregnant”

- cliche
- expensive
- lots of cleaning up required

“I bear the seed of my ancestors”

- badass
- u could definitely slay orcs
- im playing D&D rn

— Christopher Ashman (@CAshmanActor) May 23, 2020

I had a dream last night that an enormous woman put out a fire in a bell tower with her breast milk.

So the pregnancy hormones have officially taken over my brain.

— Some Boys' Mother (@someboysmother) July 19, 2019

Being trapped in an apartment all day with a toddler while trying to work is an incredible form of birth control. Unfortunately I’m already pregnant

— amil (@amil) March 26, 2020