Interview: Keeping children safe online - why most parents get it wrong

“Parents often say to me, ‘My children know more about technology than I do,’” says Marian Merritt, author of “Family Online Safety Guide,” and editor of Norton’s Ask Marian family safety blog.

“It can seem frightening - but it's an opportunity," says Merritt. "Try and engage the kids. Ask for their help setting up a Facebook account.”

Merrit says that trying to ‘police’ children’s web use is not only impossible - it’s often wrong.

“I think there’s a lot of concern and fear - parents don’t feel they have mastery of the technology, and they often worry about the worst-case scenario - that children are going to be groomed by a predator. But this is rare.”

“I try to educate parents - you should be a mentor, not a police officer,” says Merrit. “You should aim to be interested and not judgmental - the key is communication. Full knowledge of everything they are doing is not a realistic goal.”

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“You should respect your children’s privacy. In the olden days, if your child kept a diary, some parents would read it - that’s wrong, and it’s shocking to me how many parents do the internet equivalent. You shouldn’t be looking at every part of their internet history.”

“Children know how to defeat filters,” says Merrit. “It’s a natural process for children to push the limits. You should have some kind of oversight - and offer them new services as they learn how to use PCs and smartphones. That’s the kind of negotiated discussion that I like to see.”

Merrit says that ‘Big Brother’ tactics often fail. “A lot of parents  join Facebook just to watch what children are doing - but that has meant that teenagers move to Instagram or to Tumblr,” she says.

Up to 70 per cent of teenagers hide what they are doing online from their parents, according to security company MacAfee.

As children use an increasing number of gadgets, it can also be difficult to keep track of what they are doing.

Research by Ofcom has showed only 16 per cent of parents would install controls for games consoles compared with 31 per cent for mobile phones and 46 per cent for PCs, laptops or notebooks.

“We do recommend using parental control software," says Merrit.  "But you also need to do more, particularly with very young children.”

“When a child gets their first email, you should have their password. When you get your child onto a mobile, you should be disabling functionality - but you shouldn't do it in a way that makes you the mean internet lady. Explain to them that there are rules - that you'll restrict certain functions, or that you'll take the phone away overnight to charge, so they don't get texts at two in the moring."

'The more you are talking about these situations, the better."