TV presenter Jake Humphrey has told how he went through a “dark period” when he believed he was mad.
The 41-year-old said there was a time in his early 20s when he “genuinely believed” he was mad and struggled to cope.
The BT Sport presenter said it was the one time in his life “where maybe it was all a bit much for my brain to deal with”.
But he said taking his own life was never an option after a lesson he learned when his grandmother killed herself.
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He told the Blank Podcast: “I went from this super confident guy on the telly, and I was still working every day on Children’s BBC, but not eating and getting thinner and thinner and just really struggling.”
“I remember one time looking on the internet to see if I could employ a bodyguard to be with me all the time to make sure I didn’t do anything mad but that in itself is a madness, to look for that.”
He added: “My grandma killed herself and I suppose that created a weird relationship with suicide for me.
“I remember someone saying at that time, the irony with suicide is that by killing yourself you have shown you are actually strong enough to live.
“Someone saying that at that time meant when I did go through this difficult period, even when it was horrible, suicide was not even an option for me – because of that message that if you’ve killed yourself you are strong enough to live.
“So whenever that thought even entered my head, it was like ‘if I can do that I’m strong enough to live so therefore I need to stick around’.
“It was a horrendous, traumatic period for my family when my grandma did that and 10 years later maybe it saved me, I don’t know.”