James Barr: ‘There’s something hypnotic about vaping’

At the root of my indulgence is a desire for connection.

I don’t vape, but I’ve started. It feels like a small, irrelevant moment, but for me, it’s a reminder of how much community shapes my choices. I never thought I’d vape — especially since I’ve never smoked — but when the hottest Paul Mescal-lookalike bottom offered me a go
on his Lost Mary at Adonis, I was hit with Juicy Peach. And it was juicy.

There’s something hypnotic about vaping — the little light that flickers to life when you inhale. It’s an instant hit of gratification. I don’t need tobacco, but the social aspect, the connection, is what drew me in — and it happens time and time again.

This is where addiction becomes tricky for me. It’s not always about the substance; it’s about the space, the people, and the connections we make within those environments. Whether we’re at a rave, in a dark room, or at never-ending afters, there’s something intoxicating about shared experiences — about feeling lost together. There’s a comfort in being in a place where no one’s judging you, where you can let down your guard and just be you. For a community that has faced so much, connection feels essential.

“It’s hard to differentiate between what’s real and what’s just part of the environment we’ve created”

But when that section of the community is built around substances, be it alcohol, drugs, or anything else, it’s hard to differentiate between what’s real and what’s just part of the environment we’ve created.

These spaces often blur the lines between finding connection and seeking escape. It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of needing to be in those spaces to feel seen, to feel understood. That’s where I am, immersed in moments where connection is forged through shared indulgence. Yet the more I reflect, the more I realise that the real pull isn’t the substance, but the community, the people. That’s where my addiction lies. It’s the connections that form when we’re together in those spaces, experiencing the same thing, that are hardest to let go of.

We all need something. We all need an escape, a way to feel safe in a world that is often unsafe. But escape doesn’t have to come at the cost of our well-being. There’s no shame in choosing what brings you joy. I try not to shame myself for any of my decisions, but this is a healthy reminder: let’s prioritise honesty and connection, inside and outside of these spaces.

I hope we can find more ways to create community where the world melts away, and we don’t have to lose ourselves in the process.

This is column originally appeared in issue 362 of Attitude, available on the free Attitude app, or in print by subscribing or picking up a copy from your local newsagent.

The post James Barr: ‘There’s something hypnotic about vaping’ appeared first on Attitude.