The goal of The Nightly Show this week seems to be to jam Joe Pasquale into every nightmare we'll ever have in the future.
First they made the millions (okay, thousands more likely) tuning in on Monday physically ill by forcing poor Joe to pierce his nipples S-Town style live on the air. Then, he had the "badger" on his bum holewaxed on Tuesday.
Wednesday's horror show was possibly the most disturbing yet as sadistic guest host Bradley Walsh sent his special correspondent to a dominatrix for some whipping and cracks about his squeaky voice.
Would that have been the end of Joe's adventures for the night, it would have been traumatising enough. So why then did Joe turn up on stage in full gimp gear with his, err, bulge fully accentuated?!
"You can't tell it's me, can ya? It could be anybody - it could be anyone," Joe laughed through his gimp mask… while everyone else in the studio shuddered in total terror.
Joe then gave Bradley Walsh a very specific invitation about his bulge: "It looks like black pudding, don't it? Do you want to lick it?"
We definitely don't want a lick. In fact, we're not entirely sure we ever want to lick anything ever again, Joe.
The question on Bradley's lips and everyone else is what exactly was up with Joe's bulge. Ask a spine-tinglingly gross question, get a spine-tinglingly gross answer.
"Don't shout at it. That's my willy in there," Joe chirped back. "You're talking about why willy on live television. Leave my willy out of it!"
Bradley mercifully changed the subject from there. While that would seem like a welcome relief, he unfortunate;u asked how Joe's nipples are holding up after being pierced on Monday. Oh no...
"It's all gone green, it's horrible in there. It looks like Kermit's nose now," Joe explained.
Yep, it's official. We're never licking anything again. And neither is anyone else...
Well that's something I never thought I'd see..Joe pasquale in a gimp costume on my tv hahsha pic.twitter.com/bO2DhD2Evn- ♥Loulou♥ (@LouPine) April 5, 2017
What has been seen cannot be unseen! Joe Pasquale in a gimp suit......what the actual fuck? 😱😢☠️- Jason Cooksey (@bossofjobs) April 5, 2017
I have just seen Joe Pasquale's bits in leather. I may never recover #Nightly- Coliboo (@Coliboo) April 5, 2017
Is that..........Joe Pasquale........ in a gimp suit...........on ITV?- Hayden Pennyfeather (@BeaverKing69) April 5, 2017
Really didn't need to see Joe Pasquale in S&M gear with his nob bulging through his rubber underwear 🤢 #TheNightlyShow- Christopher Hampton (@TheChrisHampton) April 5, 2017
Why is Joe Pasquale dressed as a human condom?! Pass the eyebleach! #thenightlyshow- Emma Bluemink (@emmabluemink) April 5, 2017
Pass the eye bleach indeed. We shudder to think what horrors await Joe Pasquale when The Nightly Show continues on Thursday (April 6) at 10pm on ITV.
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