After years of detaching from my emotions, my body decided it was time for me to sit still and listen. Nine years after Hurricane Katrina, I found myself planted on a floor unable to lift my body off the ground. My spine was at the whim of a force I was afraid to confront. All the while, I kept telling myself, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be okay.” The “It” was the unknown trigger and “I’ll be okay” was the fear of facing myself. The tension arose between telling myself one thing and my body saying the other. The catalyst could have been my ever-present anxiety since Hurricane Katrina, my numerous bouts of depression, my abortion, or the sexual abuse I experienced during my childhood. The trigger was not important because my body transmuted the feeling from a whisper into a scream.
Doctors attributed the pain in my back to herniated discs causing compressed nerves in both of my legs. My physical therapist said my MRI report showed degenerative discs normal for someone three times my age. I was 25. My external world was full of accomplishments, but my internal world was an arid landscape. For six months, my body existed on oxycontin, tramadol, valium, and ibuprofen. I was in the emergency room five times — three times carried in on a stretcher — because I did not want to face “it.” I just wanted the pain to stop. After seeing a dozen doctors, I settled on getting back surgery.
The surgery made the pain bearable, but it wasn’t gone. It was time for me to engage in a conversation with the unknown trigger, open the wave of repressed emotions, and face the self-inflicted abuse of neglecting my own well-being. It was time to listen to my spirit.
The first step was admitting to myself that something was wrong with the way I was living my life. I had to face the tension one layer at a time to provide myself relief. I began my process by confronting my motives and thoughts through questioning: What trauma was rising to the surface? How were my thoughts inhibiting my self-healing? Did I subconsciously think that I deserved this pain? The questioning seemed like the easiest part, but delving into the depths of my psyche felt like jumping off of a cliff: Where would I land? Could I survive the impact? What dark corners of my mind would I uncover? The process required self-forgiveness, compassion, presence, and bravery. Whatever I uncovered would permanently alter my self-perception. I let go, delved within, and awakened a new awareness.
After adopting mindfulness practices, eliminating limiting beliefs, engaging in inner child work, and Reiki sessions, the pain stopped completely. Once the trigger was processed, my whole system became relaxed to engage in self-healing. My body became my ally.
I came out of the muck lighter and in tune with my intuition. I had unknowingly come into my power by holding the awareness that I held the key to my own liberation through turning inward. After a year in my self-healing process — a lifelong, cyclical process — people began gravitating towards me in meditative spaces. One day while meditating with a friend, I lifted my hands towards her heart space. We both fell into a trance state engulfed by the energy exchange, and that’s when my journey as a spiritual guide began in this lifetime. It was never a conscious decision, but an inevitable stepping into of an orchestrated plan.
My gifts are a result of honoring my essence. I use Reiki, singing, and breathwork to guide people home to their higher self by traveling to non-ordinary states of consciousness. Tapping into transcendence helps people see the full picture of their story and direct awareness into aspects of their life that require self-healing.
We are highly sensitive, energetic beings, constantly being impacted by forces internally and externally. The more you tap into the vastness of who you are separate from distractions, you can embody your unique energy signature and create a life in alignment with your highest expression. By feeling, processing, and releasing, your life flows naturally with less resistance. Attempting to runaway from pain, taught me that being relaxed allows me to listen to the sensations of my body influencing my mind. Spirituality is an individual process of remembering, thus your process will always be yours to understand and awaken. Allow yourself to find a meditative, holistic practice to help you explore the vastness of who you are.
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