The Kardashian-style selfie-absorption goes on — and now we have the ‘bothie’

When marking an august occasion such as the upcoming 10-year anniversary of the founding of reality show Keeping Up With the Kardashians, it befits us all to take a moment for reflection. The kontributions of the Kardashian klan to our kulture are kopious. There’s Kim, Khloé, Kourtney, Kris, Kendall and Kylie (but not Rob. Never Rob), and together they have popularised gigantic arses among wealthy, white women, raised public awareness of the ugly cry and so, so much more. But which is their most significant achievement?

Why, it’s the selfie, of course. KUWTK turned self-promotion into not only a socially acceptable hobby (people used to go swimming at the local leisure centre on weekends! Imagine!) but an insanely lucrative industry. Kendall Jenner reportedly earns $370,000 per paid Insta post; Kim Kardashian’s “Kimoji” emojis raked in $1 million a minute on launch day and momager Kris gets a cut of every cent her five children — forget Rob — make. So while Kim Kardashian West didn’t invent taking smartphone pics of one’s own gormless pout, she did make it the official art form of our era. And she should certainly put down a patent for its sluttier cousin the butt selfie, or “belfie”. It’s a living, and who are we to take issue? (Note that venomous disdain for the Kardashians has now replaced “being rude to wait staff” as a reliable indicator of bad character.)

Still, maybe 10 years of holding a pose was enough, because a new handset is soon to arrive on the smartphone market, and its selling point is an evolution in the not-so-humble selfie. When the Nokia 8 is released this autumn, its manufacturers will be hoping that something they’re calling Dual Sight technology will help it compete. This enables the Nokia 8 to record still images or video using both front and back cameras simultaneously. The resulting split-screen combo of selfie and traditional “youie” snap — the “bothie”, if you will — can also be shared live to Facebook or YouTube.

This launch might not have such potential if many of us didn’t already feel warm towards the only Scandi household brand that doesn’t try to flog you a plate of greying meatballs just as you’re making for the exit.

If you, like me, were part of the first generation of teens to carry around a mobile — comparing Snakes high scores at the bus stop, crafting T9 texts and running out of PayAsYouGo credit at crucial moments — then you probably had a Nokia. At the turn of the century, the 3310 set sales records and began to teach us how consumer technology mounts its slow assault on free will. You always start by resisting, don’t you? You swear that mobile phones or Facebook or the Apple Watches will never catch on. Then, before you know it, everyone else has one and you must comply or die a social death.

But maybe the bothie represents a last-minute youie on the road to total self-absorption. Maybe the Nokia 8 will be embraced by the kind of woke young thing who is aware enough to want to record not just their own #nomakeup face but the wide world this face is looking out at. Bothie posts will become the most efficient way to confirm your attendance at a protest or celebrate the solidarity of your crew. It’s the Pepsi ad that might have been, if only Kendall Jenner had “Dual Sight” function on her phone.

And imagine if Kim Kardashian adds a daily bothie to her selfie ’n’ belfie regime. Every picture she posts of her carefully contoured cheeks (either set), would also include the team of world class, behind-the-scenes make-up artists who made it happen. You’d see Kris kounting her kash in the korner. Maybe you’d even catch a glimpse of Rob. Yes, the bothie is here, people, and reality just got even more real.

Lovelorn Mormont must not get Daenerys

Ser Jorah Mormont, aka Lord Friendzone, is the recently returned Game of Thrones character with the best nickname in all of meme-dom. This guy has been down for Daenerys since day one, but can he take a hint? He cannot.

It’s nauseating to look at those desperate doggy eyes for more than a moment, but look we must. Of all the GoT character arcs awaiting resolution, whether Jorah, played by Iain Glen, right, will eventually get his end away is the only one with real world consequences.

We’ve all had that straight male friend who remains doltishly devoted to his queen, despite her obvious lack of reciprocating feelings. Its imperative that GoT doesn’t give false hope to these Lord Friendzone bannermen by depicting a scenario in which Daenerys eventually comes around. Because, what? He’s earned her love with tedious persistence? No lads, women must be afforded more agency than this, even the fantasy fiction ones.

Now Jorah is again hoping to impress by venturing into the frozen wastelands of the far North. Compared to the friend zone, it must feel positively balmy.