Keir Starmer’s Chagos deal is a betrayal of Britain

Chagossians demonstrate in Westminster asking for the right to determine their own future on October 07, 2024
Giving away sovereignty over the Chagos Islands, a key strategic asset for Britain, is mad enough but Starmer is also going to hand over £18 billion of British taxpayers’ money - Toby Melville/ Reuters

What a fool I was. In 2020, my wife, our son and I endured a miserable, lonely Christmas, because we were dutifully following the lockdown rules.

Yet now I realise that we could easily have had all the family round. Because, if the police had knocked on our door, I’d have had an ironclad excuse.

“No, no, officers, you’ve got entirely the wrong end of the stick. These people aren’t my relatives. They’re my voice coaches.

“Yes, including the children. What do you mean, why would I need voice coaching? I’ll have you know I’m a very important political commentator. I need to sound my best whenever I’m asked to speak on LBC, or to appear as the token non-Marxist on a Radio 4 panel show. Anyway, it must be within the rules, because Sir Keir Starmer’s doing it. And he would never break the rules, would he?”

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Infuriating as this “voice coach” story may be, however, I’m not going to dwell on what Sir Keir got up to four years ago. Because, at this very moment, he’s doing something far, far worse.

On Tuesday, the Prime Minister had the brass neck to boast that his administration “is putting more money in your pocket”. He must think we’re morons. Because, on the very same day, it was reported that – as part of his unhinged deal with Mauritius – he’s not only going to give away sovereignty over the Chagos Islands, a key strategic asset for Britain. He’s also going to hand over £18 billion of British taxpayers’ money. It was maddening enough last month, when we were told it would be £9 billion. Now apparently it could be twice as much.

“Putting more money in your pocket”? He’s emptying our wallets before our eyes. And all while stripping pensioners of their Winter Fuel Payment – because, according to him, we can’t afford it any more.

Imagine if he’d said this during the election campaign. “Once we’re in power, we’re going to give your granny hypothermia. But I’m sure you’ll understand why we need to take this difficult decision. It’s because we want to hand billions of pounds of your money to a tiny foreign country 6,000 miles away. In return, the British people will receive absolutely no benefit at all. But it’ll earn me a few slaps on the back from my international lawyer friends, so I think you’ll agree it’s worth it.”

Still, at least Labour’s opponents will know what to do at the next election. Dominic Cummings has given them a helpful hint. He’s mocked up an image of the Brexit bus, emblazoned with the new slogan: “We send Mauritius £350 million a week. Let’s fund Winter Fuel Payments instead.”

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Meanwhile, the Tories’ Robert Jenrick has called Sir Keir a “quisling”. Labour supporters may think it’s an outrageous slur. But perhaps they could tell us this. If an actual quisling were running the country, how would he or she be acting differently? Maybe sweetening the deal further, by throwing in Buckingham Palace and Stonehenge?

Mind you, I’d better not say that, in case it gives the Government ideas. At any rate, “quisling” or not, the fact is that Sir Keir’s Chagos deal is a betrayal of Britain. Because it acts against the interests of the British people.

Honestly. People say Liz Truss is the worst PM ever, but at least her nightmare in No10 was over nice and quickly. Whereas we’re stuck with this useless droning lump until the trade unions chuck him for Angela Rayner. And that could be another two or three years away.

There’s only one thing for it. I’m going to ring up the Mauritians, and tell them they’ve got to take Sir Keir as well. If they want our land and our money, they can damn well earn it.