Keir Starmer doesn’t have what it takes to unite the country

Keir Starmer's speech was uninspiring
Keir Starmer’s speech was uninspiring - Eddie Mulholland

When Keir Starmer veered off on a family anecdote involving some sort of Lake District shenanigans, I genuinely worried he was about to present us with a slideshow of family snapshots: “And conference, this is me looking sad because I’d just dropped my cone on the ground.”

Fortunately he didn’t. But the segue into family reminiscences was probably felt necessary because this is a leader who has yet to connect on a personal level with the country, let alone his own party. He began his speech to Labour conference with a quick run-thru of his greatest hits, assuming, with very little justification, that his previous speeches were ingrained in delegates’ collective memory.

It is doubtful if this is the case. For the Prime Minister is no orator. He still sounds like the veteran trade union official to whom the other members of the National Executive Committee have given the consolation of delivering the party’s financial report because they know he can’t be trusted with anything more exciting.

This is unfortunate because there has never been a more important time to deliver some stirring inspiration. And by God, this party, this country desperately needs it.

It would be unfair to compare Starmer’s “honeymoon” period to that of Tony Blair’s, for the latter’s lasted virtually an entire four-year period and survived fuel shortages, a British-led military intervention in Kosovo and a nationwide foot-and-mouth outbreak, at the end of which the voters gave him a second three-figure landslide majority.

Starmer’s honeymoon feels like it lasted almost an entire weekend. In Liverpool. And it rained.

Like Blair, Starmer has been criticised for accepting political donations. Unlike Blair, Starmer has allowed the tide to overwhelm him with no sign of his ministers getting back on course.

The party may not require cheering up – delegates doing the rounds at conference seem pretty contented just to be back in government – but the country certainly does. Blair had a knack for endless optimism and cheeriness in the most difficult circumstances. He was also an effective and emotive speaker. Starmer is neither of these things.

When he chose to wax lyrical about Britain’s artistic heritage and about the unfairness of so many people not having the opportunity to take advantage of them, I wanted someone in the audience to shout out: “Unless you’re a cabinet minister who’s got free tickets!”

And when he invoked his sister’s occupation as a careworker, and suggested that such workers should demand the same respect, on entering a room, as the prime minister. Why he would want his sister to be booed in public or prevented from going to football matches for fear of assault is unclear.

The party leader needed to cheer us all up, but he simply doesn’t have the oratorical or political skills to do so. There were glimpses of a vision for the future, and the occasional burst of passion, but he hasn’t yet got the hang of moderating his volume to let us know when the passion can be expected.

Conference is not the time to reveal policy details; that will have to await the Budget. But it is a time to remind voters and members why they trusted Labour back in July. We’re still waiting.