Laura Craik on Harvey Weinstein, Cara Delevingne and puppies

We’ve hit upon a novel way to get the kids to bed: playing Bob Dylan songs.

They hate them. If they fart about too long in their bedroom, the iPhone gets held aloft. ‘Your old road is rapidly agein’ / Please get outta the new one if you can’t lend your hand / For the times they are a-changin’,’ sings Bob. ‘What is he even on about?’ the kids will moan. ‘What he’s on about is this,’ I’ll say. ‘In the olden days, when granny was a girl, there were lots of male film stars in what were called “lavender marriages” — sham ones designed to disguise the fact that the film star was gay. These men and women had to live a lie their whole lives, which isn’t nice. You know Cara Delevingne?

Very recently, a man called Harvey Weinstein — a powerful man — allegedly said to her that if she was gay, or decided to be with a woman in public, she would never get the role of a straight woman or make it as an actress in Hollywood. But unlike those people in the olden days, Cara spoke out. It took guts to speak out, but she did, and hopefully she inspired others to do the same. ‘Then there’s Gucci, which is a powerful fashion label. Gucci has just announced it will no longer work with fur. This is important, because in the olden days, all luxury brands worked with fur. It was the most popular way for wealthy people to show their status. But now…’

By this point, the kids will have nodded off. ‘It’s like sandwiches,’ I’ll whisper. ‘In the olden days, coronation chicken was a favourite. Now it’s an avocado wrap. Or maybe a poké pot; I can’t keep up. But the point is, Bob was right. The times they are a-changin’. And if you can’t lend a hand, the least you can do is not stand in the way of progress. Night-night. I love you.’

MONEY EXCHANGE

Here’s an idea for a great new game all Londoners can get behind: Pound Coin Ping-Pong. It’s a bit like Sudoku, increasing mental alertness and keeping you on your toes, but with the added bonus of random arguments with shopkeepers. The rules are simple: try to spend as many old pound coins as you can before the cut-off date (said date being last week/this week/tomorrow, depending on who’s making them), before receiving them all back again in change some five minutes later. The perfect activity for those who feel life isn’t complicated enough already, Pound Coin Ping-Pong can be played in coffee shops, parking meters, lockers, supermarket trolley parks and many more outlets across the land. Enjoy. I know I am. *slopes off to the bank with a bag of obsolete money*

DOGGONE FLUMMOXED

We’re getting a puppy. I’m trying to stay nonchalant, but WE’RE GETTING A PUPPY and I’m bricking myself. Also it — sorry, she — still doesn’t have a name. I like Céline Diog, but it was met with derision. Whitney, Audrey, Dolly, Mariah and other divas dead and alive were also overruled. So were all my Game of Thrones names: nobody wanted to shout Arya, Sansa or Daenerys in the park. My younger daughter likes Sandy, after the dog in Annie. My mother likes Phaedra, because that’s how she rolls. ‘What about something old school, like Fido?’ was my husband’s contribution, probably because he knows the chances of him getting to choose are zilch. By the time you’ve rejected all the names of people you hate/know but might be offended if you called your dog after them, there really aren’t many options left. Any suggestions, tweet me. I’m stuck.