My London: Frank Skinner

Home is…

North London with my partner, Cath, and our six-year-old son, Buzz. We currently have a fruit-fly infestation. It’s really brought us together as a family.

What is your London secret?

I once had a physical liaison under the Cutty Sark.

What do you collect?

No1 records. So far I have four. With the same song. Speaking of which, my son really didn’t like football till the World Cup happened. England doing so well totally fired his imagination and now he’s obsessed. That said, it’s still a bit embarrassing when he sings ‘Three Lions’ on public transport with me sitting next to him.

Bus, taxi or Tube?

Bus. I have an over-60s travelcard. I might be the only person who’s ever used one to go to the Brits.

Where do you work out?

Don’t be ridiculous.

Best thing a cabbie has ever said to you?

A Latvian woman, as she drove me down Regent Street, asked why young men were queueing outside Nike Town. I explained it was because some new trainers had arrived. She said nothing for about a minute and then, with great seriousness: ‘I have queued for cheese.’

What makes someone a Londoner?

Never moving, even an inch, to avoid fellow pedestrians coming in the opposite direction.

Which shops do you rely on?

Oxfam Bookshop (I got Alexander Pope’s Poetical Works for £2.99) and Gap Kids (Buzz loves a Star Wars T-shirt).

Best meal you have had?

I had a chicken jalfrezi at Paradise in Hampstead that reminded me what Indian food could be. I didn’t eat in Indian restaurants for years because I loved poppadoms so much, the food that followed was always an anti-climax. My slogan is: once you poppadom you can’t stoppadom.

What would you do if you were Mayor for the day?

I would ban ripped jeans. I hate them. It’s like going to a fancy dress party as a poor person.

Where would you like to be buried?

There’s a cute cemetery — can cemeteries be cute? — in Hampstead where Peter Cook, John Constable and Hugh Gaitskell are buried. I wouldn’t want to completely give up the hanging-out-with-celebrities thing.

Biggest extravagance?

The taramasalata from the Hampstead Butcher. You’ll be surprised by its strident lack of pinkness.

Best place for a first date?

I’d take in a T20 match at Lord’s. There’s enough time for chat and you have the benefit of not having to look at each other much. By the time you reach the halfway break, you’ll know if this person has the sort of warmth, wit and intelligence that could possibly sustain a five-day Test match.

Last play you saw?

King Lear with Sir Ian McKellen at the Duke of York’s. The critic, AC Bradley, suggested that reading Shakespeare was more fulfilling than watching it. He obviously never saw McKellen.

Where do you go to let your hair down?

Don’t be ridiculous.

Skinner’s debut play, ‘Nina’s Got News’, is at Edinburgh Festival Fringe until 26 Aug (edfringe.com)